Girl, I remember on election night a man visiting from Canada messaged me on Grindr. Needless to say I broke modern medical science, impregnated myself with triplets as a contingency and am now planning an early spring wedding at a Dave and Busters in Ontario.

Man that is just like my engagement story. I was putting away some groceries while my husband was doing the dishes and he said “Let’s get married” and I said “Sure”.

Remember in 2009 when Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett (both young, of course) died on the same exact day?

He did not wake me up before he went, went. Another reason to be upset at him besides, you know, dying.

Congrats on trying to get pregnant! Good luck to you.

Cooking thread? My mother and I made butterscotch apple pie from the Patti LaBelle cookbook. The biggest compliment is that it’s not too sweet.

I currently have a raccoon (or raccoons) in my fucking attic. (It’s either that or a small bear.) The critter removal guy can’t come until tomorrow, at which point I will need to pay him $180 to crawl up in my attic to check it out and/or set traps. If he catches said masked bear, he will charge me another $30 to take…

This story of the baby not buckled who suvives the car crash is the most 2016 thing of 2016.

It doesn’t matter if he hates the job, though. He’s surrounded by people who will be happy to do a Weekend at Bernie’s with his corpse if it comes to it.

And then we’ll have President Pence, who’s straight out of The Handmaid’s Tale

Probably a scary YUGE number. I saw a post where some guy was babbling some nonsense about Hillary and someone corrected him and he was like, “Oh I didn’t realize that” and all the time I’m thinking if you’d actually researched that negative internet meme maybe you wouldn’t look like an uninformed dumbass right now...

Jesus, we need to start charging a surtax on stupidity. Hillary is “allied with Russia”? WTF? I want a poll to find out how many people got ALL of their information on this election entirely through Facebook memes.

I took my second xanax of the day just now after getting shaky from anxiety. I got so anxious and upset after running into my neighbor, who proceeded to tell me that she voted for Jill Stein because she thought Trump is dumb, but was still “so relieved” that Hillary didn’t win because she’s “so dangerous” and “allied…

Yeah, I lost the energy about an hour ago when it was suddenly so close I started to contemplate my life under Supreme Leader Trump. Fuck ‘em.

I’m sorry that I did not recognize Clarence Clemons.

I’m so pissed because exactly this happened to me tonight. I’m on my way home and see two passed out girls on the street with 2 guys hovering. I intervene and ask for help in 2 different bars. Then I call the police which directs me to the ambulance which directs me to the fire station. They say they’re on true way…

As someone else pointed out with a wiki link, this is a well-researched phenomena. That’s why they teach you in First Aid/CPR classes to address specific people and assign them specific tasks when looking for assistance. Don’t simply say, “call 911" but point to a specific person and tell them to call 911.