Of all people to get engaged on Valentine's Day. With a heart-shaped ring.

I don't know. I think it might end up being convenient if I ever decide to marry my boyfriend. That way, he can get all sorts of the video games and gadgets he likes as wedding presents and I can go to Best Buy and look for a new boyfriend.

My wife was in full control of the scanner for our registry, I disappeared with it for about 10 seconds to scan a 12 pack of beer without her knowing since I had no say it what went on the list. She found out a few days later after sending the registry out to everyone, and you would have thought I cheated on her for…

Oh my god, the mere thought of vomiting Fireball makes me want to cry.

What a baller thing to admit. Zero fucks given.

i didn't watch the grammy show. i only saw the live stream of the audience cam online without audio. here are my observations. i missed 45 minutes of it in the middle because food.

"You two really aren't interesting enough to have a feud. You're just two basics having a bitchfest."

Pictures on marshmallows.

When done right the picture/ marshmallow combination is glorious.

Yeah I think that gif just got me pregnant

So true! Even if it's an act, Swift is very good at it and I'm convinced. Katy seems... Hot and Cold toward people around her. (I hate myself for that.)

Or maybe it's fun if you get pics of your "frenemies" and make 'smores out of them. A delicious ending to slowly roasting that bitch over an open flame!

My cat could learn a lot from that cat. My cat hasn't done jack shit for a long time. Got a mouse last year and she still resting on those laurels.

When I'm a normal human being, I shower every other day. (Dry skin like mine gets cranky when over-washed.) When I'm going through one of my murky, can-barely-stand up depressive episodes, I probably have enough energy to shower once a week. Sometimes just existing is enough of a challenge, you know?

I'm German, and I definitely do not shower every day in the winter and sometimes not in the summer. (Just to be clear we do have bidets and stuff, and I make sure the parts that come in contact with or generate messy biosecretions are all clean.) If you've ever been on a train in Southern Deutschland, Italy, or around…

Every day. If you smelled me in the morning, you'd be thankful of this.

As a black person, I fucking hate ghetto being used as a pejorative for something YOU think is low class. Because that's what you meant. It's not ghetto because it sells nice meat and cheese; it's not ghetto because it's just a low- priced store with no frills and other things that artificially inflate the prices.

Yiddish is the best language for insults, ever.

I have been promoting the adoption of Yiddish words to replace "problematic" English words like ghetto. May I recommend "haimish" or "ongaputchkit" instead?

I like that she emailed you 7 years later to inform you of her revised position on the word ghetto. That's some respectable continuity.