“I DON’T DO FUNERALS UNLESS THEY CLOSE!”

What a self-absorbed guy, thinking he should have everything. It’s like he’s repeatedly heard people say, “It’s all Cravy.” Next thing you know, he’ll be demanding his own train.

#LetsGoFish is quite excellent, considering that’s what most Marlins fans (term used loosely) will indeed be doing at game time.

with the margins of victory getting thinner in each round.

No matter how much range he has, opposing hitters will still be able to drive one into the gap.

Typical NHL wimp. An NBA player would have finished the game.

You both need to be Monitored.

Whoa. That guy really loves playing tennis.

“Drain all what?”

LaVar Ball is a moron. It obviously hasn’t been an issue for Isaiah Thomas.

Whereas Rob Gronkowski was fortied up.

Plus, they literally skate through the season!

No, I haven’t, so I missed the satire. I suppose I should’ve assumed as much, though. Apologies for raining on the joke parade.

So you’ve never, ever left a job?

Can my dog eat that?

“Oh, sure, but when I mention anything about canine combat, people lose their minds.”

Thanks, tabbed browsing. As if I needed help looking shadier.

anyone who is upset over his comments is a dumbshit.

I clicked on this article solely to make a comedic remark about “another Stanley Wilson”, only to find out that the namesake aspect is actually a tragedy. (Probably should’ve seen that one coming.)

What’s something that a homeless man is probably better at than you?