How you failed to mention Coming To America leaving(!), and also not make a Leaving America joke, is beyond me.

Drain the fridge.

As business site Entrepreneur points out, most people don’t have a hard time working hard for things their THEY’RE* passionate about.

Expats for a reason. Call them Confederate expats.

Weiner’s Wiener is now officially a journalist!

Great! Can’t wait to buy the Surface Book instead.

I had no idea NFL teams sold Pumpkin Spice Lattes at such a markup.

6 wins!? I’m a diehard Bears fan just hoping for a #CutCutler trade and a top 5 draft pick.

ITH PRONOUNTHED LOU HOLTH

The states of Oregon, Washington, and Colorado are winning pretty well now that drugs are their friends.

MAKE RUNNING BACKS FAT AGAIN

#ALLRUNNINGBACKSMATTER

I had that exact same experience getting funds for Inline Hockey at Illinois. And, as you know, our football team sucked.

NOPE, hockey gloves are still worse. They’re like larger, more cavernous keeper mitts, if you then distilled musky fungus, marinated them in it, and aged them in a dank cellar for the same age as fine bourbon, taking them out occasionally to play a game. They’re so bad that there’s a term for wiping your gloves on an…

this +1 just go ahead now

Back judge missed a GIGANTIC block in the back right in front of him right as Rainey catches and runs. Apparently these refs busted out of the NFL as well!

Yet, it’s still called Miami of Ohio by players, sportscasters, and fans every year when it’s time to pity-televise one of their games.

The University who stayed off the Shit List by reporting a more plausible lie:

I get the impression it’s that sort of year-long effort spread into month-sized portions of actually seeing or having quality interactions with a few people each moth. That’s how I’d do it anyway.

Why don’t we see the TSA as the true success at what it was intended for: to create a publicly-mandated buyer for mass amounts of dubiously-functional pieces of industrial screening equipment, produced by the same companies that bring you every other piece of the American War Machine.