You get a star for ‘’crop dusting’’.

The only time I was ever embarrassed by a fart was when I was a baby lawyer. I let one rip in my office, and it was so bad my own eyes started watering. My secretary picked that moment to walk in and hand me a letter for my signature; as soon as she got to my desk, she immediately walked out and came back 10 minutes…

Ninety-seven percent of West’s cast was comprised of models of color, followed by shows from Kimora Lee Simmons (82%) and Ashish (75%).

I don’t think the Nobel for Literature has anything to do with the one for peace.

Ugh, spoiler alert!

I’m starring this simply because it’s accurate.

...This has been Wednesday evening’s edition of the very long-running series, Kaepernick Fans and their Strawmen.

You mean “jabronois.”

Jezebel bemoaning manufactured rage? The circle is complete.

It’s about as racist as most of the stuff you shitbags are offended by.

Do you take showers at roughly the same time each morning / night? My only solution has been to work my shower in just after my wife’s. If she doesn’t wipe it down and it sits for 30-60 minutes before I shower and clean it’s not the worst thing.

This take is so hot that I dropped my phone

You shouldn’t judge a woman by her looks.

I remember when he played for the Bears and was considered to be a moody adolescent. In the ensuing 20 years he seems to have aged in reverse.

Seems fitting. Raging asshole enjoys a big glass of milk. But when I drink a big glass of milk I get a raging asshole. Thanks, lactose!

Any tips for getting your wife to use the squeegee you bought and hung in the shower explicitly for this purpose? 😬

Must the choose the most insufferable artists to protest and insufferable candidate?

Not one vote will be swayed by anything Aimee Mann or Death Cab For Cutie sing.

This post is like a guy at freshman orientation who tells you that real rock and roll fans only listen to Blind Lemon Jefferson.

Herb had two eps tho