As a Brit, please make Brexit the only stupid choice a nation makes this year. Assuming Trump loses, you guys will get to make fun of us for decades to come.

Also, why do these people, WHO DON’T KNOW ME, care so goddamn much about my occasional pizza selection. Let a bitch live, damn.

This is my cat Bob. He’s big and lazy and a complete CAT - he does what he wants and does not give one flying fuck if you like it. Example: Bob sitting in the fruit bowl. On the counter. Next to the apples, which we can’t keep in the fruit bowl - because it’s always occupied by Bob’s fuzzy ass.

He was totally chill meeting a duchess because he’s a Jellicle Cat.

I love her face in that lead image. She’s like, “What is even happening this is my job to pet this cat right now OMG this is the dumbest.”

She’s darling, no matter what they say about the relevance of royals. I do worry a bit about the fact that she looks even thinner than the last time I thought she was a bit thin. No I’m not shaming. Just a Mom.

If a cat may look at a king, surely Bob can ignore a Duchess.

Well, what’s a duchess to a cat? Please, cats have been worshipped and venerated as gods since forever and they all know it.

I hope the school administrators, the bullies, and the bullies’ parents live with this guilt until their dying days. Kids think this behavior is ok because someone models it for them.

My Slutty Erick Erickson costume emphasizes literally all body parts I could squish together to create cleavage, including elbows and armpits.

YES. One of the best books about it. Also, “Stiff”, by Mary Roach. Very educational and entertaining.

We can still act holier than thou.

GODDAMMIT. These WikiLeaks emails are making it REALLY HARD for me to continue to act holier than thou around my republican acquaintances. Get your shit together, democrats!

My historically worst date ever was with a guy who was late, insulted my hat, worked out my share of dinner plus tax and tip to the penny, professed his love for his teenage  lesbian roommate, and who said that oral sex was creepy and perverted. By then, honestly, I was hanging in for the sheer amazement factor.

Hahahahaha. This reminds me of a super awkward date I went on when I was single. We met in Arlington? Shirlington? I cannot recall exactly. It was fine, but really awkward and very little actual conversation. I’d ask questions, he would answer and then crickets until I asked another question.

Seed mafia?!?!?!?!?!

I went on a date with a guy in DC who asked me who I knew in the non-profit world (I work in museums) and then proceeded to tell me he wanted to start a non-profit that would end world hunger. Great, right? Then he told me he knew his org wouldn’t end world hunger because he would be assassinated by the “Seed Mafia”.…

I’ve been on dates where I’m the one holding up the conversation, like Atlas.

Nah, it’s pretty blatant racism and misogyny. Just the fact that Uber is everywhere now proves that the patriarchy isn’t going away without a fight.