Pffft, upper body strength. Strength of character.

Five cigarettes at a time. A whole big world full of poops to smoke. This guy has it all figured out. Keep on keeping on, Haji.

They've infiltrated my compost bin. They're such brazen things, they don't even run away when I open it up and throw in more stuff. But it's nowhere near my house, and rats are cute so I don't care.

I shaved my head for a fundraiser last year. I did it for a good cause and to challenge my own vanity, but I assumed I wouldn't feel very attractive and that would just be part of the experience. WRONG. I was a badass bald bitch and felt HOT as hell. My husband could not keep his hands off me. I raised funds for…

Well, I'm glad candy wasn't on the list, rendering the whole thing irrelevant. Candy is everything.

You're right. You're the real expert on Proust.

Who cares if it's flattering, IMO? If any body enjoys a particular type of clothing on their body who the fuck am I to judge?

NO WAY. That Boston is all, "Guys, I mean, I know we grew up in the same neighborhood, but I pulled myself up from my bootstraps and bought this Roomba, and you guys are still just walking. Well, laying about really. Why don't you get jobs?! I am tired of paying for your government Beggin Strips! News flash: IT'S NOT…

And it should be clear, I'm not promoting Marxism - I'm promoting violence.

Thank you. I have always been slim and I have absolutely experienced "skinny-bashing" (I got the AIDS thing too, girls making vomiting signs when I said I needed to go to the bathroom at lunch, my skinny boyfriend and I were "the Ethiopian Couple" - hey, let's double-down and bring people with HIV, people with eating…