Just use a shake weight, save your foreskin.

@Anonymoose: I remember the days when people would roll up their sleeves, shoot up, and then fix up a batch of meth in their kitchen. This country is on the skids, man!

They both acted out of conscience, only one of them is in jail.

@LuciusVerus: It's an advertisement for LSD.

@modestmouse: Am I a vampire? Sweet.

@lostarchitect: It's just a picture of George W. Bush.

@drmrw: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls sometimes block the signal and you have less bars. But our software was faulty and gave you more bars than were actually available. And our update, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the…

Wait a minute! Apple is working on a way to get around the laws of physics? Somebody stop them before they doom us all!

CNN: pay attention.

What? G*d most certainly does not. The Hebrews practically invented nerdom.

What an Android fanboy.

@Lacara: All sold out. Now all they have is color: anus. :(

@ren0901: Nah, cloudy with a chance of turds at worst.

I think a cover of Limp Bizkit's Nookie would have been more apropos.

I wonder if he keeps a back-up lunch on hand as well.

@Facebook: And while everyone is paying attention to the phony news conference, they'll replace all the iP4s in stock with the new models. It's a genius plan, really.

@tomsomething: Best day to bury a news story.

@Jesse Scroggins: Nah, they just buy KIRFs.

It was a rhetorical question.

@PossibleCabbage: It's to keep Loki out.