I just want to BE Diane Sawyer.

Stoners with pie cannot be angry, my friend.

The bear and I are one.

What’s that vegetable doing in my fruit pie?

Luckily she has done some sort of chemical straightening on her hair. As a fellow naturally curly like TSwift, if she was going au natural that shit would have been large and in charge, taking on a life of its own when you mix it with the DC humidty and forehead/scalp sweat.

The bear and I are one.

But... But...

Here’s my impression of you: “Oooo, look at me, I’m MrDineo and I hate fruit.” That’s okay, though. More pie for bears and me!

In other words, this bear is living its truth and I respect the hell out of it.

Weed is legal in Colorado. COINCIDENCE!?!?!

That’s what DC humidity does to even the best hair.

(She also plays the audience-catnip “You Belong With Me,” prefaced with a convincing and recurring monologue about how surprised she is that she feels like playing it, and how she never does, but she totally will, just this time.)

We went full cheapo with our videographer — handed a camcorder to a good friend and told him to go wild. A full thirty minutes of it is a turtle in a pond, sitting on a rock, and dragonflies flitting around and our friend going, “ooooh, coooool.” (Apparently he got bored before the ceremony and just a bit after.) To…

Devote your remaining days to Taylor Swift, walk in the glory of her spotlight.

Um excuse me that dog is not white. It is GOLDEN. This is Bobby’s one failure on this list. They should obviously cast this dog to play Rajah:

THIS IS THE JOKE YOU GUYS

CAN I HAZ

I love Taylor Swift unabashedly FOR her brand. I have mad respect for her ability to control her image, and damn if her songs aren’t catchy. Her RED tour was my then-8yo’s first concert and the show we’re going to in October will be her 2nd. I can’t share a lot of the music I enjoy with my daughter yet, so the fact…

Swift doesn’t even try to get any moves popping; she just dramatically repositions herself, sometimes acting the lyrics out so literally it’s like an elementary school play.