I’ve never called an elected representative in my life. I just did. I expected to have to leave a voicemail, but someone picked up on the first ring! This caught me off guard, so I stammered my way through what I wanted to say about the last couple of weeks, especially this weekend. Who knows if the congressperson I…

I’m finally ready to admit that whenever I see USMNT the first thing that comes to mind is Ninja Turtles. This is my burden to carry.

Yeah, he put Bannon—who looks like the lovechild of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Louie Anderson—on the National Security Council principles committee while demoting the head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the director of national intelligence.

...probably :(

I spent the weekend in horror, rage, shame and yes pride. If my government disgusts me, my fellow citizens (well most of them) fill me with hope.

Just Wynn, Baby

When following up later Al Franken said sarcastically, “Things in the new administration seem fluid.”

Is that the most human pose he could muster?

All I think about is training. I want to train so hard that police have to arrest me when I lift weights because when I lift them I throw them into space and that is theft or at least destruction of property in many many states but my defense attorney also trains extremely hard so I usually get out of the charges and…

Reporter: Can you describe how you felt when you were offered the scholarship and then when they rescinded it just two weeks before signing day?

Travis Kelce does elaborate dances after touchdowns, makes jerking off motions toward refs on the field, gets a stupid unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after dropping an important pass in a playoff game, and has his own reality show in which women compete for the chance to date him. Yet somehow he doesn’t get half the…

The thought of going home to Olivia Munn is enough to inspire any man to greatness.

What kind of monster plays backyard ball without his father

I think you’re thinking of Stankonia, but yes.

Just a test for the switch over after the inauguration.

I can think of another new symbol that more accurately gauges fan interest

My expectations and hopes are unbelievably low. I’ll actually consider the next four years a success if there are no nuclear weapons deployed and no significant land wars. I’m assuming that the economy, the social safety net, and basic human decency are already doomed.

Don’t be silly. Direct proof of the collusion referenced therein would be a complete disaster for Republicans.

PEEOTUS

Jazz Hands McDawg!

Is what I call him.