Mission accomplished.

Also in trouble for exceeding its W limit? America.

To make the experience as lifelike as possible, residents of the 'village' will be required to give interviews to attendees eighteen hours a day, and the loss of their job/home if park executives feel like going in a different direction.

The NFL theme park: There's absolutely no safety precautions but don't complain when you get injured because you knew the risks when you entered the damned thing!

They plan to limit the village to 55+ though, which explains why it's a two-bedroom apartment.

How does somebody get this fucked up? I guess it probably stems from some childhood trauma, such as when an uncle helped him off a horse.

This shit is jacked up.

There's no possible way my parents would ever do something like this to me.

Hey guys, just so you know: This wasn't written by someone from The Onion, and I'm not reading it on theonion.com, therefore it is stupid and bad satire. Thanks.

Wes Welker's brain.

but what does that make the reporters who insist on continuing to ask him questions despite knowing well ahead of time that Lynch has no intention of answering any of them?

Anthony still can't believe that the DC police allow prostitutes to be cops.

Robert Kraft loves monkey puppets too. He named one of them Roger Goodell.

Belichick: I like a little puppet. You can kinda put your fingers in, it's a little monkey and then he can talk.

within the rules if possible, but without wouldn't be the end of the world either.

[vehemently protests targeting in NFL games]

Sure looks like the lessons at Jason Kidd's Driving Academy have paid off.

Look, if I want to hear from a governor who is serious about doughnuts, it's going to be New Jersey.