A hockey player would've taken out a life insurance policy for $3 billion on himself, named himself as the beneficiary, died, resurrected, claimed the benefits, and finished the shift.

Pfffffft, a real man wouldn't have sold out to Apple, he would have tried to build that headphone brand into the best brand in the country by himself!

The goalie dives for a ball, only to find it disappear when his hands touch it. The striker chuckles. "I'm sorry, but I had to hack your eyes, pal."

Ugh. Logo design contests are awful.

All things considered, he'd probably prefer vanilla.

He's also going to buy the St. Louis Rams and Tampa Bay Lightning, then move them along with the Clippers to Washington to play in a still-being-built bowling alley outside Redmond, all in the name of creating a common user experience across platforms.

You misunderstand, Tom. He took the first shower after the game, and the second after he fell in those tar pits.

Things will only get worse when the games shift to Miami's arena, where there's a lack of real fans.

Jordan would have fixed the A/C

He sat next to me at a screening of The Bourne Ultimatum and told bad jokes the whole time. Every time Jason Bourne would kill somebody he go "psssssssh! Got 'em!" Then he dropped his cellphone and I had to watch him try to move his large professional athlete body around in the tiny space of a movie theater seat…

You should make way way way more of an effort to note that this is Nashiville Alt-Rock Country. It sounds more Alanis Morrisette(sp?) and Sheryl Crow than what really is country. Lambert is Texan and may be a country girl, but SHE DOES NOT SING COUNTRY MUSIC.

Obviously not good childhood friends if they planned the wedding for the day of the Indy 500

No, not in any way. The government hasn't stepped in and forced him to do anything, from apologizing to selling his team. However, the club he's a part of has its own set of rules for how it conducts business.

The letter reminds everyone that the Clippers have had five African-American head coaches and "scores of African American players."

$2.5 billion? Smh, Sterling. You aren't actually selling the players, you know.

Stupid Brazilians, don't they know that spending hundreds of millions (or in this case billions) on new stadiums and big sporting events will bring thousands of jobs and spur their economy?!?!? Look at what building that new football stadium in Detroit has done for their economy.

I had an Uncle Ray once, well I guess I still do. Anyway, he liked to drink and spout his mouth at anyone in earshot. Well, one night—and Uncle Ray is straight twisted, right—one night, he's in Atlantic City with his girl, and she's going on and on about how he doesn't know shit about Hold 'Em. Well you know what…

He didn't mince words.

Oh, great. Now he's breaking the unwritten rules of physics.