Will they be offering free Valtrex exchanges for anyone who has woken up wearing Rob Gronkowski's jersey?

[prays]

Only 44 tackles and a handful of starts? Huh. You'd think she'd pick someone better at filling gaps.

"Some of my best STDs are from black people!"

This, folks, is exactly why we need universal background checks.

Alarming amount of caps associated with the event already.

for '13th Amendment Night' the Marlins will place a player on waivers.

Fuckin' worked our nuts off for this trophy

You might think that open collusion between a profit-maximizing entity and a horny, tax-exempt moral abomination is a bad thing.

Ernest Wallace: But c'mon man, I'm starving!

CORRECTIONS OFFICER: [Opens front door to house]

His business card should have given it all away:

Weird, I figured all of Rivers' sons were invisible, but I guess that's only true on a basketball court.

i'm awaiting angry commenters telling me how it's easy to get oxygen while eating ass.

I'm sure Arenas loves payday as much as the next guy, but doesn't he know the bank isn't open until 8?

FINALLY! A chance for an online gun debate!

Cashman continued, "at this point it would be nice if he just shot a friend of his a few times."

So we eliminated a bunch of jobs.

Germany Invades France; Bratwursts Now More Accessible In Western Europe

Just wait until Hernandez receives a capital punishment sentence.