I used to love fall as a kid. Now all I see is a mess of dead leaves in the yard to clean up.

The goal posts also have to slide back 8 inches.

One of the oddest things about moving to the east coast is the level of winter Stockholm syndrome out here. “Oh, I couldn’t live in California, I’m a four seasons kind of person.” So, you wouldn’t take 70-90 and sunny perfection every god damn day, and prefer instead to slog through the gray sludgy snow that builds up…

the Bengals really did deserve to have this season go off the rails after polluting the playoffs with their presence for the past five years AND for continuing to employ Vontaze Burfict.

That’s what I thought too. I couldn’t remember any little kids in the Turkish prison.

I thought Midnight Special was the one about the Turkish prison. Whatever there’s too damn many “Midnight” movies to keep track of

You forgot the best benefit of this hypothetical rule change, which would be watching Andy Reid royally fuck it up.

I don’t see why we have to have Schilling anymore. It’s far to creepy to be funny now, it’s like having a rotting corpse at the table every time we sit down for dinner. I want him to go.

I made it all the way through C.J. Prosise’s ascension and injury without making a single dad joke involving his last name.

The WORST part about that Schilling picture is the 3 different fonts.

You are a decent man and you try hard, which is why your end zone proposal is balls. What you do is take ONE end zone and make it EIGHT INCHES deeper. Call it the Bonus Zone and say you are doing it to make the Coin Toss more important (try not to snicker when you do this.) You will instantly hear crazy shit like,…