A few things:

One sure sign this is correct: every single person (read: psycho) that has an inspirational quote in their email signature uses some odd ass font for the quote. Exponential crazy.

Okay, but people pay $300K for memberships to his golf course. If I invite you over to my house for Christmas and take a dump on the rug, sure it’s technically still my call, but I’m also a huge dick for doing so.

Was The Young Pope good or not? I watched it and I was like “that was great” followed by “no wait it was terrible” and then I immediately went back to “it’s great”.

protein gainz, son. You should have known.

During her previous time in Waco....

First they came for the white female cop who murdered an innocent black man...

mr. delicious prior to joining the yankees organization

“’10% of NFL teams”? Why not just say ‘a handful’?”

How did this man not possess the forearm strength to lift himself out of this predictament.

Her opponent later admitted that it was the longest he ever lasted with a girl.

No. 1 cracker is anyone who puts Wheat Thins at No. 1

First, Triscuits are garbage. It’s like someone went, “How can we take these unsold wicker baskets and make money off them?” and they turned them into trash crackers. The worst part is that Triscuits constantly try to market them like a party cracker. “Just take a Triscuit, cover it with melted cheese, bacon, avocado,…

image h/t: Penultimate Straw, b3ta.com

As a tribute to San Diego, it should be 72 degrees. And sunny.

I can think of another new symbol that more accurately gauges fan interest

I’d also like to use this space as a reminder of just how great ‘Fastlove’ was / still is.

Right. I sort of don’t like casting Trump supporters as naive. You had to be willfully ignorant to not get the agenda Trump and Co. were pushing. You had to cling to your stupidity with tenacity, basically putting your hands over your ears and screaming “nah nah nah, I can’t hear you” while the rest of us desperately…

Maybe if they were religious they would still be together and happy.

Those idiots think they’re his teammate.