This is the best tweet ever, full stop:

One could also argue that MLBPA’s people should have had Alex Rodriguez’ back when Selig wanted to suspend him for an absurd number of games, but they sat back and said “nah” to that.

I would have been perfectly happy with Cutler

Get ready for some mad Cedar Rapids residents in your mentions.

If it takes place in the United States, shooting.

It’s a much better neighborhood now, but that strip of shops there has barely improved at all.

I got jumped by a group of teens in Rogers Park while walking to the train after a rehearsal. Got staples in my head. Started cycling literally everywhere in town (including to rehearsals from Ukrainian Village) after that.

To be fair, they’ve remodeled that Jewel. To be accurate, it’s still awful.

+eins

With a little bit of luck

They have dumpsters that big in Philly, right?

“Me too.” - Every Bengals fan on the planet

Mozambique’s as an AK-47 and Kosovo’s actually has the shape of the country on it. Me? I’m partial to British Indian Ocean Territory. The waves are like a Magic Eye poster.

That Croatian team in ‘92 was bonkers in that they were the only ones to make the Dream Team break a sweat.

Shoulda sent him home.

Or a singer in 1970s-era Beach Boys.

Does Dilbert fall below the “getting-hit-by-a-car” line after it was revealed that Scott Adams is a shitweasel online? I would argue that it does.

“Sweet! Another outfielder!”

I didn’t know they kept their field mics inside the toilet reservoirs in Cleveland.