I want a mini-bio blurb on the Raccon.

The funny thing about botox is that I think it’s made me a better person. You can’t believe how hard it is to stay angry when you can’t make an angry face. Or sad when you can’t make a cry face. What you can do is stare beatifically with a knowing half smile on your serene looking face.

We can thank it for this gem, which deserves a spot at MoMA.

The animal poop/fart zoomies are fantastic! My cat poops then runs like he is on fire :D

...the breath of fresh air I needed...

Thank you for this, from the bottom of my fart.

Okay, that’s a good typo, but the best ever? I don’t know. I once saw in a program for a play that the lead actor had previously starred in a production of “The Dairy of Anne Frank.” I saw that typo more than 15 years ago and it still slays me.

OR you could get this! My friend got me this and its pretty adorable. Too hot for soups right now but maybe Loch Sangria?

I’ve been so depressed all day and this was the breath of fresh air I needed to bring a smile back to my face.

I only laugh at salads alone.

I like “penises with a case of something” better. Seems super fitting considering the Chico’s description says these earrings “bring the drama.” :(

It’s a mantra of acceptance and non-violence.

For when you are getting ready to laugh at salads with your friends?

Caldor! Been a long time since I’ve heard that name :) We had a Golden Circle that became a Caldor, and then Wal-Mart arrived & everything died.

And I mean, the apron. I wear aprons to protect my “good” clothes. Would you wear an apron that came out of a $6000 care package? I mean maybe her cooking-in-the-dorm outfit is worth thousands, but I’d be protecting my old navy clearance outfit.

Yeah, well I went off to college with a set of dishes from Caldor in the 80’s so. I’m different, too.

The worst thing about it is that's...not really even a good set of kitchen basics. Or a halfway decent one. Or even a half-assed one.

It’s like TJMaxx, kinda? Mid-range-ish discount stuff that was ostensibly in another store elsewhere at some point? But with a focus on “brands you’ve never heard of” and “clothes designed by colorblind spacemen who’ve never seen an actual live human.” The one near me apparently has a mission statement that consists…

omg you named it. You have to make that into a family heirloom now.

THAT is awesome. I made a much worse mistake, and bought a purple wicker monstrosity, the only plus side is sitting inside it. It so fucking awesome sitting in it. My husband gave me intense side-eye for buying it. (edit) - sorry the photo is so huge :(