One of my best 4th of Julys was the week I spent visiting a friend who lived in Dearborn, MI, next door to Detroit. July 1 was Canada Day, so there were fireworks in Windsor, and then Dearborn had its own fireworks display the next night (so as not to interfere with Detroit’s) and then Detroit had theirs on the 4th.…

Please tell me that was at a 4th of July party. I think half the Garden State did that 4th of July circa 2001.

At this point if I were Hillary Clinton I’d use “Roar” and bring along a couple of dancing sharks to my campaign events. This is why I’m not in politics.

Smirnoff Ice because you were so young you had to be driven home by your father? I have a worse story. I was at a promotional event sponsored by Smirnoff Ice so the only thing to drink was that or soft drinks. In my alcoholic desperation I drank Smirnoff Ice. I was in my early 30s so I have no excuse, except for my…

Nice Joan Didion reference!

When my mother died we put her house on the market. Because the town I grew up in is apparently Mayberry RFD the house was left wide open and the realty company just gave prospective buyers directions to the house and didn’t bother to accompany them. My siblings were fine with this. I asked them, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY…

Well, according to the story above he was charged with “going armed to the terror of the public”. I wish there were a statute against running for President to the terror of the public.

My guess is yes. Although Larry King has been married like 14 times so maybe Mr. Kevlar has already found a special someone to settle down with.

And the first 100 callers in the next ten minutes will get a second one FREE!

When I saw the full picture up top I thought of that horrible Dos Equis ad. “I don’t always post pics to Instagram, but when I do, I post pics of my taut and toned naked middle-aged ass.”

Doesn’t Facebook have all that “super-accurate” facial recognition software now? And software that scans and records and monetizes everything anyone ever posts rather than humans who would have to wade through each and every post? I bet it was, “This is a four-year-old boy” “homosexual” DELETE DELETE DELETE.

The woman on the left is decidedly coquette-ish. I love the beach chairs too, for those fun-filled August days at the beach with the wind whipping off the Baltic and the rain clouds moving in!

Are you sure they’re not in East Germany?

Was your family the inspiration for “The Simple Life”?

Your shirt is amazing but your mother’s tank top - do you remember what the logo on the chest was? It looks so, so familiar. I know it’s the German eagle but what brand was that? I assume your mother wasn’t in the Bundeswehr but maybe she was?

I love old photos like this. In the 1906 photo the woman in the wheelchair and her two sisters were probably born in the 1830s I’m guessing? We’re looking at people who were born almost two centuries ago. If that is the case, though they were living in Europe and not really directly affected, they were probably…

That would be the best show ever. The Queen would want to stay (childhood memories, knows lots of people in the neighborhood, her work is nearby, convenient public transit) and the Prince would want to list (can’t do stairs anymore, they’re empty nesters so why do they need 340 rooms or whatever, there seem to be a…

Have you ever seen “The Ballad of Ryanair?” This woman is a national treasure.

I was being sarcastic. I am a white middle-aged Christian American male, one of the most privileged people who has ever lived on this earth, and I am cognizant of this fact.

I know. As a white middle class Christian American I am constantly on the receiving end of all kinds of discrimination. If only there were some place I could flee to where I could feel comfortable among my own.