I’m super conservative with my adderall, until I get drunk. Then I’m overcome with the urge to share the magic with everyone.

I love you. There may have been a night that I watched ALL THE TUDORS and drank ALL THE RED and then surprised my husband by expressing intense disappointment that he was no Jonathan Rhys Myers by shouting (mid-coitis) “KING HENRY WOULDN’T SCREW IN SOCKS!”

Also:

On Sunday, I got the ideal amount of drunk. A bottle of Chardonnay over the course of the afternoon/evening with some chips, a delicious dinner and water. There was a patio with a hammock and a water view involved. I was not so drunk that I misbehaved but drunk enough that I was a little twirly and came home with my…

Of course there is no evidence. Food goes through an acid bath in the stomach and gets broken down into the major macro and micro nutrients along with water. Human’s don’t have a special slow-release magical placenta reservoir to carry you through an invigorating pregnancy healing period. Jesus fuck. Get it together…

Clearly you’ve never tried roasting broccoli, cauliflower, then smothering it with cheese and bacon. Cauliflower & cheese is really a healthier mac & cheese recipe, really.

** boiling is rarely an ideal method of turning good ingredients into anything other than a future repressed memory.

Captain America pretty much nailed this one:

Um, you know how we all learned how to get out of bras without removing our shirts? It’s kind of like that. In a weird contitionist kind of way. And only works if the romper is roomy. (if you’re an old you’ll see what I did there)

This is one of the best mic drops I’ve ever read.

I mean, seriously. The crust is too thick, and it’s not covered in Provel. Jeez, if you’re gonna pick on my hometown, at least *try* to get it right... :P

This looks like something from St. Louis

Those decisions are made by the producers.

Those decisions are made by the producers. I’m not privy to those decisions. All I do know is I’m very grateful to the Kings for making the decision to cast me.

that’s why the slaver threw a coin at the slaves after buying them. They are now “paid” and are “free men” because of payment. It’s your typical bureaucratic loophole.

Robots don’t give you free alcohol in exchange for good tips.

I wonder if I would have more success flirting with a robot?

This is 100% true. My mother attended a nursing program at this campus. They were forced to allow fellow students to perform pelvic exams on them, even the male nursing students got to examine their female classmates. It was allegedly voluntary, but it was clear that if you refused it would affect your grades.

I found the clip on YouTube and because I’ve heard about it ALL DAY LONG...