A plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

I'll give this to you with as much pertinent information as possible because I work full time in the opera industry:

You're right, Bill Gates didn't get rich handing out $10 tips on $15 pizzas. Bill Gates got rich by having a grandfather who was president of a bank and father that was a lawyer. IIRC, the value of his trust fund when he dropped out of Harvard to found Microsoft was on the order of $2 million.

You're right.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE YELP OMG

This is exactly my thoughts.

You make it sound so unreasonable. What else were they supposed to do though when this servant failed to grovel before them though?

one time a pizza guy (rushed out the door by his manager) forgot one of my pizzas. He felt so bad that he offered to bring us free stuff ("I'm gonna bring you guys so much free shit!) and we weren't mad because we aren't crazy and we had our first pizza to ride us over. When he came back he brought a free pizza in…

Indeed. When you're too drunk to drive and too drunk to cook and more than drunk enough to be hungry, the delivery driver is there to bring you food. If your friend did that for you, you'd worship them forever.

To the people harassing the pizza guy:

Sadly, people lost touch with Boadicea after culinary school.

She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm.

"She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm."

In her spare time, the chef from David's story enjoys Russian Roulette, eating glass, and arm-wrestling silverback gorillas during their mating season.

I witnessed shade with my very own eyes just the other day. My coworker got a very visible piercing to which a supervisor reacted to by saying "Well, you don't seem the least self conscious about it!". I immediately called it out as shade. I did not approve, because my coworker is a sweetheart and the piercing looks…

Well, break out the Ben Gay and scotch blanket-covered rocking chairs, I don't know who half these people are.... but I want all of them to get off my lawn.

Each of the 6 surgeries I had, Little Kitty would sit on me 24/7 until I was on my feet again. Like, for two weeks straight. My family would bring her meals w/ mine so she didnt have to leave. When she couldn't sit on me bc I was in pain, she'd sleep on the pillow with her nose pressed against my cheek, watching me…

You can't tell me that animals don't have emotions. They're so wonderful, and yes, when you're sick, they will come to your aid. My dog turned out to be a seizure dog when I was a teenager.

The idea is, that some dogs can smell the chemical change in the brain that occurs when a person has a seizure.

That claim has always struck me as so bizarre. I don't know anyone who's had a dog, a cat, or a horse who doesn't understand that those critters, at the least, are deeply emotional. I suspect it extends a lot further into the animal kingdom as well.

So adorable, and so sad both that the owner is ill and that he and his pet are homeless.