With laser beams!

CHRIS PRATT WITH TRAINED VELOCIRAPTORS? I'M IN!

It was also long. So long.

The Kardashinization of our youth. Famous for absolutely nothing. Great.

Sometimes the satire on this sight goes over my heads and I just think the authors are psychotic megalomaniacs.

How is this not true? Women used to fight for voting rights, then for quotas, now for scholarships, then why not for male annihilation? It makes sense.

Women hated, hate and will hate men. It's in their nature.

These Tesla worshippers do know that he spent the last decade of his life talking to pigeons, right?

"Did you guys see how many treats I ate? I really think I did well!"

My 10-year-old Golden is all about the following, in this order: Food. Couch naps. Food. Pooping. Food. "We only feed him dog food," is what Mr. Momster tells people. In reality, I slip him bits of food occasionally and that dog would eat any goddamn thing you handed him. Seriously. "Rudy, you want this rock"…

There is a scale in my home to measure how soul crushing an event is. It runs from "Stopping at that red light you kind of hoped you'd get through" to "Fry's dog".

He knows you can't eat a trophy.

Literally everything is better with "Yakkity Sax."

I get that it looks tacky. But, I am seriously, earnestly asking: There are costs associated with cleanup. What are they supposed to do?

I'M NOT WHITE YOU FOOL.

Not just a low dress, but 'accidentally' bending over near the star of the party to make sure everyone took your picture? The other pictures from the evening are amazing-no wonder Sophia gave her the side eye.

That Sophia Loren one is the pinnacle of shade. The face alone is overt, but that definition is what shade is all about. I died laughing at "In my face you could see the fear." LMAO! There was nary a trace of fear in her face. That explanation was straight up gangsta shade. I'm here for that type of shade all day…

Shade Court is the single greatest regular feature of Jez: the Next Generation.

Anecdotal information does not equal data. I'm super happy for your cousin, but he's an outlier. There is structural inequality built into the system as it is currently implemented. Theres no denying that some people are able to buck the odds and succeed, but the vast majority are doing everything they can and getting…

Hi there. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a 21 year old college student with one parent from the Baby Boomer age, and one from Generation X.

Yes, but I don't think you graduated with essentially a debt equivalent to owning a house. This from a baby boomer.