Slippers shaped liked Homer Simpson’s head. Ex-wife later sold them at a garage sale. Told me about it when we were in a bar. Whipped my phone out and got another pair right then and there. Bitch.

“Your call cannot be completed because your fingers are too fat, to obtain a special dialing wand please mash the keypad with your palm.” Such a classic

Goddammit you’re back?

CONFEDERATED PRODUCTS

I think if it was a private ballot, no way it passes.

This is on every post about this story but I still starred it.

amateur

Look in the comments for whiny little shits like yourself.

Doesn’t apply. He already spawned.

They get higher draft picks

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WELCOME TO JEZEBEL, DREW!!

At least he’ll always have the underwear...

Ooooh name-brand Hamburger Helper and not store-brand Panburger Partner?? Fancy!

Oh yeah I’m sure it’s all going to the kids

As a fellow lifelong Cowboys fan and current Houston resident, this is also my ultimate fantasy.

What about Kang or Kodos?

Dude I figured this out about two years ago! The divorce was final last September.

This is the only way I eat chili. I have made chili before and realized I was out of saltines and did not eat the chili.

Rumor has it Beckham knows about finding studs

Plus psychologically it’s like they are celebrating something being over, can’t be good for momentum. And people who think think there’s a racial aspect to it forget that Romo got shit for going to Cabo with Jessica Simpson on a BYE WEEK