I had my avatar professionally retouched from my best selfie.

I agree about a King for every purpose except that there isn't just one fictional MLK in wide use. For instance, revolutionaries have a very different fictional version. MLK emphasized the undesirability of violence for the social revolution he spoke of as strongly as Marx emphasized its necessity for his more literal…

When people complain that science belittles their world view, they're usually right. The point of contention is whether that needs fixing.

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There is no commandment not to lie. There's a commandment not to bear false witness against your neighbor. That's a huge distinction that I suppose is downplayed because parents don't like their children lying to them in general.

Have the Springfield archaeologists incorporated this evidence to conclude that the city is located with 23.4 degrees of the equator, or is this assertion considered non-canon?

No, you let 'er bomb.

Me Cookie Meeseeks! Look at me! Me become most beloved gimmick account ever!

When you find a period, that's a sentence. When your girlfriend misses a period, that's a life sentence!

V'ger has same reaction to Kirk that all female(ish) aliens do, and that's how we learn V'ger is just the deflated version of "Welcome Earthlings to Outer Space."

Over the Teensiest Hill: the Benny Profane Story

… without having to get out of bed. Do you know how many kaiju live underwater?

Colt 45 really does work. By the fifth can, Williams was ready to say yes to anything.

"How stupid of an idea is it to flat out ask someone if they're interested in dudes?" My girlfriend reacted poorly.

Drafts aren't for veterans! But I definitely can't think of any jokes about young players not showing much on the field.

That last part should be "it's awesome."

My grandma had a mining calendar — I don't remember whether it dealt with America generally or Montana specifically. Every other day was marked as the anniversary of some mining disaster that killed dozens of people, which was an unfair way to represent the job in that it left out all the workers who died either in…

You're bad at comedy. He/she/it is bad at comedy. They are bad at comedy. I'm good at parodying bad comedy.

Going off on a tangent here, but body doubles are such a boring concept compared to lookalikes. Can't the studios afford plastic surgery on the body doubles of major stars? The fun or criminal applications are endless. You could argue about loss of independent identity, but that's what the money is for.

Seriously disappointing. If Obama enlisted a comedian with some guts to write his material, this bit could have slotted in behind the missile crisis and Bay of Pigs.