Aging is a joyride of continuous improvement — improving one thing while three things get worse, sights set on the heavens and spiraling straight into the ground, until finally there's nothing, and most of the time, that, too, is better than what there was shortly before. I think that would look great in a script…

… might as well live.

Legal guardians of the galaxy, ransacking everybody's mail for checks to cash.

Screw that hippy-dippy love-everybody bullshit. When the shit hits the fan, I want heroes who will protect me and mine, not try to make nice with some fucking Andromedan.

I'm not comfortable with this. It feels too managed. Can't we do a pun thread for a story about some 7-year-old getting shot or something?

I was just joking about having a crush on Monty Python in drag. I didn't mean it and I didn't mean to imply you did.

There was also a hateful rumor about one of the Monty Python girls who wore a dishrag on her head. I don't take those things too seriously.

This is the classic definition of not-news. "Pizza bites hot dog" is news.

The first time I heard the Honorable Elijah Muhammad's statement, "The white man is the devil," it just clicked.

The trendy redefinition of racism is silly. Whether you're racist shouldn't depend on whether the Hutus or Tutsis are currently in power or whether you hopped a plane from America to Zimbabwe. Does it make any sense at all to suggest that the murderer of Zemir Begic couldn't be racist because he was black? Of course…

Every New York-based member of the Nation of Islam would like to argue with you on that point. (Check out their SPLC hate group page — I'm pretty sure they're the largest hate group in the country. You can acquaint yourself with Yacub, creator of the white devils, tricknology, etc., or just read Malcolm X's interview…

Production values? Close-ups of the man's sweaty face are the exact opposite of that. "OK, make a face like you're pounding her hard. Lovely! Now try to calculate the fifth power of seven! Great! Keep going! Your mom died! Your horse just won at the races! Pluto just got re-nominated as a planet! Sugar production in…

My foolproof business plan involves kidnapping twins and shooting one so the other goes up in value.

I agree that that's tacky, but if that's the best dirt the writer can dig up, then despite their intent, it's praise by faint damnation. It isn't the sparkliest muck I ever saw raked up — that would go to the "She's a Seventh-Day Adventist!" scoop that a brave mercenary muckraker dug up about the host of Groklaw — but…

The case is in limbo in the same sense that the death of Cameron Willingham's children is in limbo. We have a complete explanation for the deaths without presuming any involvement of the defendants, but that's the thing about ritual Satanic murder — in order for it to happen 20,000 times a day even though no one can…

Sorry, I didn't mean it personally. Try counting how many people in that discussion manage to find doing the right thing a reason for criticism, with every indication of being sincere about it.

If you wade through the comments for the movie review (
http://www.avclub.com/revie… ), some people did claim it was a selfish move. Tobias himself comes close to that by saying, "It’s possible to see the Tuohys as generous, caring people without brushing off their less-altruistic reasons for sponsoring Oher." How…

Sigh…

You're not really who I'm talking about, but it'd be great if living parodies of progressives stopped shitting on the Tuohys for doing something more awesome than their critics (or I for that matter) ever did. If anybody thinks putting in that kind of work on a kid fucked by their environment in the one in a bazillion…

You tell another joke about Bangalore and you'll be back there tomorrow. The audience is supposed to think you're a white man from Kansas!