When I found out about the Naked Guy's suicide, I felt like Yossarian discovering the death of the malingerer he idolized. A giant among piss-takers wasn't just gone, but was never really there to begin with.

Kurt Cobain Successories? Shut up and take my money!

He did it because of Lewy body dementia, probably.

Stop the funeral — he's alive! He's trying to say something!

No matter how far you run, Kevin Bacon is still no more than six steps away, and he only ever gets closer.

… and those who insist that disparate religious beliefs are actually all true and compatible disagree with most of those who actually hold those beliefs, so the Dr. Bronner's All-One omnireligious synthesis doesn't work either.

I have nothing against flaming on sites that condone it. I haven't done it in years, but insulting the hell out of everybody can be great fun, at least until the novelty wears off. This isn't one of those sites.

You can try to be known for having a sense of humor, which I think I have seen evidence of once or twice, or you can be known for having some weird beef you can't let go of up to the point where your account gets blocked. I think you're making the right choice here.

I need to buy a sports car so I can be the one asshole who they show at the end of the movie as having escaped the quarantine with a zombie bite concealed under my long sleeve shirt.

"I was over it before it happened."

I remember as a kid wondering how it happened that only married people had babies.

We need a horror story where the mites mutate and start drinking blood and burrowing through skulls and eyeballs.

Alex should have buried the lede, but he fucked up the joke for us.

European (you're a pea hen)

I have grown too sophisticated for any entertainment but drugs.

The log is her last tie to the apex of her life as a little girl in a Spumco advertisement.

What about this one: HANGMAN, THE GAME SHOW!

Sorry, I don't see gender.

But he gets to deduct it from his taxes.

This discussion was going around Facebook about yellow smilies just last week. Important conclusions were reached, and it's important that we understand what those conclusions were, so society can build on them.