Little do you know, he made that kick, but giants fans from the future invented a time machine after seeing a deadspin article about changing a last minute play and went back and distracted him.

If I could go back in time, I’d have lunch with Adolf Hitler in Vienna, 1912, before he had fully embraced antisemitism. We’d talk about what his plans were for the money from his father’s estate and have a passionate discussion on the merits of zonal marking on set pieces. Hitler would order the schnitzel, and I, the…

Our American Cousin.

Shit. I hope you're doing better...!

To add to the oven cleaner story: I have skin grafts, (and had to have reconstructive foot surgery,) on 15% of my body because of oven cleaner.

I believe that applied to a heat burn, not chemical.

I had to make an account to toss you a +1

This has RKO written all over it.

I've seen people pretend they were Superman, but this is the first time I've seen someone pretend to be Christopher Reeve.

Jeebus, do they make you turn in your shoelaces every morning when you get to work?

"Deadspin: You'll never find a more wretched hive of self-loathing and misery"

I went to Germany over the summer and they were doing Karaoke at a bar I went to. At least 3/4th's of the people on stage wore Yankees hats, yet most of them didn't speak a word of English.

As a straight dude, I weirdly feel the exact same.

Nick Offerman is like King Bear. I wish I was a gay dude so I could fully appreciate, more than I can from my straight-lady vantage point.

"LGBT agenda is gonna trump religious liberty in every case," Fischer warned, adding a moment later that Christians are being targeted by the LGBT activists who want to "hammer you," "punish you," and "drill you to the floor."

It sounds so fun!!! And OMG! Rainbow sprinkles all the time?!!!?!

omg what is Big Gay Ice Cream and why can't I have it now

"Stop ducking me behind closed doors"