"Hey, is it cool if the parrot watches?"

I assume he was "up for whatever."

Al Michaels: You know Chris, we'd be remiss if we didn't take a moment to address the unspeakable crime committed by a member of the New England Patriots.

It's the fourth quarter. Gronk is injured in a freak slam-dancing injury at the Katy Perry halftime show. Pats down by 7. They can't get a drive going. Clock is starting to be an issue.

Watch out, Peter, that's always a lie.

45. [Privately, to Peter King] "I won't come in your mouth."

You do realize the vast majority of Division 1 football players don't ever make it to the NFL, let alone make millions, right? The 95% of Sherman's teammates who were told they weren't "there for school" and didn't have time to focus on learning anything don't have a multimillion dollar career to go to. They just end…

Scorching hot take. You're wrong on so many levels. First, NFL contracts are pretty light on dollars and length compared to other sports (and the contracts are also not guaranteed). Second, Sherman, specifically, was a fifth round pick. (Far less money, far less likelihood of ever seeing the full value of his first…

This is factually wrong. Based on the actual definition of generational cohorts, "millenials" are the generation subsequent to Generation X, and are commonly defined as starting either with birth year 1982, or high school graduation year 2001, depending on the source.

Who makes the sheets for these things?

Somewhere in a cool desert there is a pilot sipping on a coffee waiting for the cover of night before he gets to fly this thing. And I'm sitting here looking at excel spreadsheets.

Are you joking? You're joking. You're not joking?? You can't tell the difference between something Lynch is totally down with and chooses to do vs something that is mandated(and useless) which he doesn't want to do? The two instances are vastly different.

"You know what, you ain't gotta score to grab your nuts." — Marshawn Lynch

Gronk putting that trophy in Conan's nuts is pretty much exactly how I expect Gronk is at all times, and I am okay with that.

Gronk: Lipitor, if it's harder for 4 hours call a doctor.

Tom Brady feels football, waits 4 hours, feels again, then picks up phone.

Without ruining the twist, I will say that this is a well-struck piece of trolling. Good work, M. Night Shyalaman.

I think it's telling that the first person starts rambling for five minutes and then goes "I don't actually have a question, but could you talk about what I just talked about?"

Columnists seeking fodder for their next article: Pontificate on the NFL and its media members having no regard for those who are likely struggling to deal with Social Anxiety Disorder.

No word yet on how the LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLakers plan to approach Twitter.