Holy crap! Yes. Tbt, I did not notice the poor spelling -- and that is saying something because I am an English teacher -- but I am putting that down to:

I believe the kollective noun for Kardashians is a *“Kweef”.

So as a foreigner with absolutely no right to an opinion on whether the joint should stay or go, (I’m from Australia. All our things deemed culturally significant tend either to be actually ancient, or no older than 200 years), BUT...I do LOVE the poetic irony that the idiom ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ originated…

I just spent, like, a full HOUR AND A HALF on this page nearly WETTING MYSELF with laughter.

Masterful

🤔 but wait...so, you’re saying now that this *comedian* was telling a *joke*?

😕...something something about this joke not turning out quite the way you expected?

Right? I feel like this is the kind of shit you save for your 14 year-old alter ego ‘Margaret’ in her confessionals to God, Judy Blume...

Thankyou for this. I’m storing it in the happy place I go to in my mind when I have to smile politely and do a ‘noddy’ and an occasional ‘ahhhh!’ or ‘I see’ through one of those intense unavoidable mansplaining sessions life springs upon me.

...and yet after my initial pants-wetting laughter, I’m all like “but seriously: WOULD I trade the rest of my body if I could be guaranteed sensational legs like this 🤔”

And...can we please talk about how it mostly covers your behind-bum, but if you would like to ~ I don’t know ~ do something *crazy* like pull the frontispiece OVER your mams; your flaps are suddenly consuming the 4cms of Lycra designated to cover your front-bum?

“She doesn’t even go here”

So I am a grey person in the Jez world, which is KIND of like a ghost. Also, I am married with a toddler and am turning 40 this year, so my social life might as well be dead - also relevant ghost qualifications.

I don’t understand why he doesn’t dye it the traditional green of his people tbt. And I think it’s in poor taste he hasn’t tweeted anything respectful to mark of the death of Gene Wilder yet. I’ll bet he hasn’t even THOUGHT about visiting the Chocolate Factory to visit the rest of the Oompa Loompas.

I hear you. I’m a woman and I still get a ‘teste pop’ when I’m talking on the phone.

Taylah, Kaylah, Shaylah. 😑

But who is even making phone calls? I feel like if I have to actually go to the effort to pick up a phone in 2016, it is definitely not going to be in order to talk into it. I mean, what if someone answers? *shudders*