You know he told you to take three...

I’m addicted to ellipses. My use of them makes me a pariah...but I love them. I am in treatment though.

what is this???? teeth shaming???

I fucking hate space before an ellipsis.

Maybe Heidi is a year or two from being a Fox News correspondent.

Blech.

Brow game on point tho.

4 years was totally an appropriate sentence for kidnapping + rape. Absolutely appropriate. Surely any rapist & kidnapper will be magically rehabilitated after such a brief sentence, and it’s a complete reassurance that he will never go do it again after you let him out. No community could possibly be in danger from a…

Welcome to BART where officers who were too unstable for the corrupt SFPD get a job.
She’s just lucky he didn’t try to taz her on the ground and “accidentally” pull his real gun.

I hit on him when black out drunk at a vampire weekend show and he told me he had to get back to my friends and I should order a water.

great young Rising Star

In case anyone cares, I have a Bethenny story.

This might be the least sympathetic I’ve felt for someone. It’s at least near the top of the list.

Let me tell you all about the last time I have ever eaten del taco:

I made the horrible mistake of attempting gummy vitamins, and boy, oh boy did I pay the price. They made me so gassy. I was at work, on my period, and trying to (quietly) fart my way to freedom on a beautiful summer Friday while at work. Suddenly, I get the “I don’t think this is farts anymore” feeling.

I have THE BEST BATHTUB in the world. It’s an antique iron, claw foot tub. When you fill it up with hot, hot water, the whole thing just radiates perfection. That bathtub is my refuge. That bathtub is my Fortress of Solitude. That bathtub makes awful days into cathartic tub cries.

I was in a band and on tour in the early 00’s. As we were leaving the western edge of Pennsylvania on our way to Dayton Ohio we gassed up at a station that had a hybrid Pizza Hut / KFC / and Blimpies food processing closet. Being a vegetarian roughly 5 hours from home I was overjoyed that the Blimpies, 1/3 of this…

Alright, I’ve never posted anything on Jez but I can’t resist this one-

(I am writing this on behalf of my dog).