My advice for number one: Just respond with "I guess I'm just not as insecure as you are."

You certainly cared enough to read it and comment. So I say the same to you: people on the internet have opinions every single second of every single day. Thousands of more inane or offensive articles have been written in the time that it took me to write this sentence. Don't pretend that because it involves your…

OMG SO FAT. She doesn't even have a waistgap.

The funny part? Technically that's better work than the original photo ;)

I keep chickens and do a fair bit of hatching. There is no way that tiny thing is a chicken embryo. Not to mention Campbell's puts aged-out laying chickens in their soups, and the chances of one of those poor souls having a special moment with a rooster seems highly unlikely.

But once you add the can of water, it does turn into a fully developed baby chick. So there's that.

So this one time I one-night standed with a dude, the next morning he started chanting "walk of shame, walk of shame" when I got ready to leave. I looked him dead in the eye, and calmly said, "based on how bored I was last night, you are the one who should be ashamed." (it was true, I started thinking about how to…

It's fucking trippy being around all these white people. The rich ones, especially, are fucking oblivious.

I currently have a band aid covering my cam. After I read this article that people can randomly hack it...makes me paranoid thinking about it.

I was actually in Kaneohe Bay at the Marine base, but I lived in Waimanalo. Barber's closed down a while ago, and all the Naval aviation folks moved to KBay.

That's really interesting! My experience in Hawaii was the exact opposite-for 3 years, the house I lived in was the only one on the (fairly large) street occupied by non-Hawaiian/Samoan/Asian people (and we were all military.)

Condoms?!?! But then I can't FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Condoms are just some kind of feminist plot to make me take a shower in a raincoat or something. Waaaaah!

All hyper cautious wanton whores thank you

There are antibiotics to treat the resistant cases. It's not like OMG GONORRHEA ETERNAL, although it is a worrisome public health trend. Now providers are recommending that people diagnosed with gonorrhea return for a test-of-cure, to make sure everything's dead. But people are terrible at going back for another appt,…

I know, right? Some dude's skid marks vs a healthy retirement fund? Pfft: no contest.

"...They're making 400 or 500,000 a year. They have wardrobe budgets, salon budgets, T&E budgets. Endless budgets! They're on every A-list in town..."Maybe I'm old and bitter, but I would take the above over a man any day!

My brother once kicked a dog someone was walking on a leash. It bit him, and he kicked it. The lady started freaking out at him, and apparently the exchange went like this:

Because if there is one thing that cats are universally known for, it is doing what their owner tells them to do.

Are you kidding? I have three hours of housecleaning to do and there's no better fuel than Smug Superiority. I'm all over this shit. I may have the dirtiest oven in the universe, but my life shines in comparison to these people's.

I am fascinated by all this science. So how do you know when you can stop drinking vodka? Do you just keep testing urine samples until there's no more ethylene glycol?