Absolutely. You are the most correct a person has ever been. Although I hate all flavored triscuits except for the caraway ones.

You are perf at the typ, but also, I learned what a condo was when I asked my parents about what I’d heard. I guess my adorable speech impediment (or their terror of parenthood) weirdly smoothed that over.

Is this why I’d stab a nun for fish and chips right now? Should I have a fish fry for Thanksgiving? I hope the answers are yes, yes, and double yes. (Oh, I’m a splash tipsy? You don’t say!)

Those sweet, sweet otter-rape fish?

I hate that so much. I get weeks-long bronchitis when other people get a two day head cold, so when people came to school (work I can understand to a certain extent, but not class) and hacked phlegm up inches from my face I wanted to throttle them. My former friend was immuno-compromised and routinely missed weeks of…

I would that it were possible. Unless you hate your sister, in which case, oh my god you're so mean I hate you I'm telling mom.

I’m so happy that my parents are seeing him and backing the fuck away from everything he’s associated with. Of course, now that I say this I’m sure my everything-truther dad will find a redeeming and salient point in semi-sentient, disappointingly bland salt lick Donald Trump’s latest word salad. In which case I’ll…

One thing I wish remained from the late eighties was the emphasis on safer sex and condo use.

That is so incredibly fucked up.

But did you know it’s illegal to blah blah blah and also making things illegal is the same as making them disappear. That’s how they made drunk driving nonexistent. See also: Prohibition.

I leave for one week and Mark’s gone??!!

You made me giggle. Also, if the pizza place had St. Bernard delivery dogs, I’d totally order pizza during blizzards.

What you mean is, “EmpressConstancepants can afford to buy a new winter coat in November instead of limping through the cold weather until stuff goes on sale in February.” Seriously, aside from the fact that global climate change will destroy the world I should be leaving for my grandchildren, it was pretty nice…

How do you go about starting the process? With your usual eye doctor for a recommendation?

This line alone demands the resurrection of COTD.

I’d pay to watch that.

Really? Oh god, it has been. That makes me sad. My partner and I binge watch Target: Women every 9-18 months. (Did I get the name right? I'm fucked up on unmedicable IUD cramps and can't think straight.)

I went through some of the traumatic things alluded to here, but I guess my desperate ignorance was a good thing, because I never associated the stuff that was done to me with sex. It was terrifying and gross and confusing, but when I got a little older and started to experience sexual feelings, it had no connection…

It’s the worst phrase. If the word panties could be worked into the phrase, it’d be reason enough to burn the English language to the ground.

I agree. I don’t care to be ungreyed on Gawker or Deadspin or Kotaku (ily, guys, but I’m good over here), but if I’m ungreyed on Jez, shouldnt Millihelen and ITD and Kitchenette and The Slot go along with it? But it doesn’t, so that’s fine, but I feel irrationally rejected when I show up grey in sub-blogs. I mean, I’m…