“’Age doesn’t mean inability, it can mean wisdom,’ she said.”

Jezebel, Jezebel. What have you done to me?

Oh. My. God. Most of these stories MUST be posted from prison libraries, because if these stories happened to me I would cut a motherfucker.

My first husband wasn't very bright. It's never a good idea to cheat on a wife that works for a government agency known for its expertise in spying. Third generation in the same line of work to boot.

My husband of three years started watching My Little Pony. And I was like...okay. Whatever. That's fine. Until he started verging into brony territory. And then I got a bit concerned.

I'd been dating this guy for two and a half years, and he came down with a sore throat that just wouldn't go away. He kept asking me to look at his throat and tell him if I thought he had tonsillitis...for like three weeks. Yeah, you could see all these horrible pustules at the back of his throat. I kept telling…

In the summer of 2013, I had spent 8 Very Long, Very Hard years in graduate school and was a mere two weeks away from defending my Ph.D. My monogamous husband of 8.5 years went over to visit our closest couple friends' of 5 years house to drink and play video games while I worked on all of my dissertation shit.…

When she showed up at our apartment with a toddler. Cute little bugger- looked just like my at the time husband.

"Sorcia, I'm in love with your best friend [a dude with a hilariously ridiculous name that I cannot post here]. We're moving to Virginia and I hope you'll be happy for us."

My (now ex) fiancé and I had a somewhat long-distance relationship. I worked an a city 3 hours from the small town we lived in, so I would stay with friends or my parents while I worked my 4 days on, and go home on my days off. Things were never "good" when I was at home, but anyone can tolerate each other for 4-5…

I had to take my mother to the emergency room while I was visiting her one weekend. I ended up staying for several days because she was super sick and my dad is basically incapable of caring for a houseplant, let alone a human. When I got back to my apartment I shared with my ex, the place was totally trashed and he…

College, I was dating a douche y Navy ROTC dude who lived in his frat house. He bailed on a date night with me because he was "sick," so being a dutiful girlfriend, I took some chicken noodle soup over to the frat house. Walk in, walk up to his room, and there he is, banging some rando chick. I hurled the soup at…

A friend of mine called his wife while we were in Afghanistan. She was really excited that to tell him that she was eight weeks pregnant. One problem: we had been in Afghanistan for three months. Turns out his wife was kinda bad at math.

"My kid just wasn't doing the things other kids were doing, you know?"

I'm normally a very nice person who values politeness and kindness- until this one day. I had just moved from a pedestrian-friendly city to one that required a car, and was still adjusting to car culture when I got really sick and had to go to the doctor. The office was in one of the busiest areas of the city, and I…

Running around the apartment making airplane noises and then giggling hysterically. I still do this when my fiancee is out of town.

I haven't been single in a loooong time. So when I get a weekend alone? Oh man, it's like a vacation.

I don't have any >.>

One of my cats melts like jello in a sack on a hot day when you hold him. When I'm alone, I dance with him because he lets me. He purrs like crazy and oozes about in my arms while the other pets look on like we're both nuts, but this cat is the perfect dance partner. He never minds if I miss the steps, and he's…

i have my own spot on a couch, nobody else allowed to sit there. I won't share my wine unless you bring food. I like going to movies and theater and travel alone.