empanadabandit
empanada bruja
empanadabandit

Today is the day we give thanks for one of life's greatest blessings, Rihanna <3

Happy Birthday!!

I love the Queen and I pledge fealty to her. Also, her voice has improved SO MUCH from since she started. Listening to some of her old performances, I finally get why people hated on her so hard. It's such stark difference in quality and control.

I love how small "Big Sean" actually is.

There was this guy today at the cafe, where we were the only two people in the room, and he kept on staring at me, while I was eating, doing homework, and using the phone. And as I was using Tinder, I saw his profile, it was quite racially charged and full of fetishization (think confederate flags, Yellow Fever,

yeah mark you really dropped the ball on this one

It's not a coincidence that Louise Bourgeois called her giant bronze spider sculptures "Maman":

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE FEARS SPIDERS

Who cares. Swamp donkeys unite!

Foreskin is overrated, this is coming from a foreskin have-er. Plus, when flaccid, it makes your dick look like a naked mole rat. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

good job science i guess or something

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And then she releases a video like this and I just dont. have. words.

I used to work at a strip club in Dupont Circle D.C. that was a block away from the utterly fantastic Kramerbooks & Afterwords, a 24 hour bookstore and cafe.

When I was 14 or 15, I participated in a summer live-in college prep program at the local university. There were, IIRC, 125 other high-school kids, along with a dozen or so staff and instructors. At the beginning of the program, they distributed a whole lot of paperwork that most people never read, including a list of

I once convinced an entire Colorado community that I was Jennifer Lopez.

That I'm not just a dog on the Internet.

I cheated on a test in first grade. My mom was very proud that I aced it. I HAVE CARRIED THE GUILT WITH ME FOR TWO DECADES.

I know I've got some more, extremely colorful ones, but my BIGGEST lie I'm sure had something to do with a church and the words "I do".