This ballerina dude who was in charge of "gospel dance" at his new age-y church. When we were done, he rolled off, and put a handmade hemp bracelet on me with five different colored beads.

How to choose? Was it the guy who hogtied me with his socks (see my winning entry in the Awkward Sex Pissing Contest)? Was it the iron-worker who was a secret libertarian? Was it the drunk guy who demonstrated how he could come on command and then told me that he had no respect for how I earn a living? Was it either…

A Juggalo. I would elaborate but I don't really think that's necessary.

oh don't even get me started on why you can't prioritize your address list. I have to scroll to page three for my work address!

Nooooo he's mean mean mean.

I've been struggling with some hard thoughts of self-loathing the past few years, and your comment, although made in jest, broke my heart (that cynical voice gurgled up) yet gave me hope that maybe I can like myself a bit more if I answer these questions.

Why pay money to get a face workout when I can get paid to blow some guy?

You know what else is German?

TRUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

Awwww, he has his father's sunglasses.

I JUST KICKED A WALL OW.

I can wear this with My Abraham Lincoln Autopsy report mesh-back trucker cap.

>:( THE BABY IS CUTE

DOUBLE D8 WITH MERYL STREEP AND 50 CENT

When Chainz appeared on Grace's show Tuesday night, it was not to fall in love—at first.

And now, if anyone offers to try this with you, you'll have awesome answers already lined up.

I am really glad that there is no one living that I would have any regrets about telling them I love them. And that is the only thing that matters.

I love you!!

as a white person, every day at least once or twice a day is the must, but then i have days when i soak myself in a bathtub all day with wine.