YES!

...which resulted in a severe bruise on his arm

I literally cried laughing. Thank you for that

Dude, pretty sure you just forgot to use the conditioner

I give it two weeks.

That. Was. Awesome.

I feel like we're not freaking out enough about the fact that people are literally BLEACHING THEIR FACE to look less like their own race. This is not about beauty, this is not about self-acceptance; this is a much bigger issue, in my opinion.

That was beautiful.

Fox News is just that asshole kid in elementary school who's stalking you just so he could say how much you suck, over and over again. Pathetic. Grow out of this awkward phase, will you, Fox News? I mean come on.

Mine was very much like this

Well, I mean, you end it with the ginger

Wait, women eat yogurts as a meal replacement? That's just wrong. Plain, non-fat, wrong.

I vote for "farted around".