Limoncello. Because I’m studying up to be a drunk Danny DeVito for halloween.

Also known as one of the best fucking smells on Earth, and cause to constantly remind me of my grandfather smoking Half n Half out of his pipe when I was a 5y/o.

If you want the Costco cigarette availability conspiracy theory you’re gonna have to talk to my dad. Nothing strikes terror in the heart of man like a hirsute arab with a cart full of toiletpaper and milk shouting about the supply and demand economics of Dunhill cigarettes.

It is, sadly, not for sale. Which is probably for the best, as it features so photos of me as a real kewl teen.

Back in my day, when I needed a sip of water, I had to get permission from a nun to walk down the hall to the water fountain and be back in less than a minute. And we were never allowed to drink too much water because then we’d have to go to the bathroom. And guess what, she was right because hooo boy did I ever…

I’d rather have United Airlines beat me up.

Kids do not need to be at every event, and they don’t want kids at the wedding, so yeah, it would be ruined. A guest doing that is rude and a sociopath. The wedding planner hired a bouncer/guard for us because we had two relatives threatening to do the same thing. The wedding was in a historic building, and was a…

I think if you want your asshole sister and her four babies at our small curated intimate wedding, be my guest. You get to take care of them and deal with the drama, though, since it was your bright idea.

It’s advice in the sense of “here are your (utterly obvious) options.”

I’m not sure if it’s because of my family’s history, but I don’t find the bouncer idea weird at all. There was a family wedding where one family member demanded (it wasn’t a request, it was an order she fully expected to be followed) that the groom should uninvite his own mother because she didn’t like her. That…

Of course, he paints realistic acrylic still-life portraits of snacks in four minutes.

Yeah. That will happen. The Man will reduce his competitive edge or his income for the benefit of the weakest workers among us. We all pay taxes that help the poor, but that also help the rich. Until we live in a fair world, it’s up to us to acknowledge that life is not fair and it’s up to us to help our sisters and…

perry ellis, backcountry, nordstrom rack, gap, puma, nike, h&m, uniqlo, dockers, mountain hardwear, levi’s, american eagle, bloomingdale’s, REI, under armour, urban outfitters, and l.l.bean all have men’s clothing if that’s what you’re looking for.

perry ellis, backcountry, nordstrom rack, gap, puma, nike, h&m, uniqlo, dockers, mountain hardwear, levi’s, american…

Mo,

it’s typical ‘whaaaaaa’ and it’s just one more form of attempt-to-use-privilege. It’s... I want to yap off my racist views at you, and when you get upset I want to initiate hands-on and double down.... but if I begin to lose, then I quickly change lanes and attempt straw-man-moral-highground as a hail-mary. …

Leftovers in a glass container with snap on plastic lid. If I’m feeling really crazy, I’ll crack an egg on top of the leftovers and use the toaster oven instead of the microwave.

yeah, most of Monday talks about what we did during the weekend and where we went to eat etc, usually starts off with some new hip restaurant that serves nothing more than air and satisfaction of eating everything that is free from everything but the damn bill that usually ends in 3 digits.

I assure you... we all despise you and your ways.

As my middle school health teacher said, “The only way you’re going to catch anything from sitting on the toilet is if the other person is still there.”

Yeah, I just sit right on the toilet seat like a normal person. What do you do when you’re out and they don’t have these? Lay out paper on the seat? I’m not down with that nasty dude who leaves his wad of toilet paper on the seat when he’s done with his business. (This may also apply to women, but I’m generally in the…