My cat licks his dirty butthole, I think we have different palettes.

cat food?

Of course.

Surgical products get re-purposed as period pads, and period pads get re-purposed as Swiffer Wet pads. It's the circle of life!

I think the preferred term was "dirty cave of lady evil".

If I were a laundress dealing with bloodied panties, diapers and whatnot while handwashing mountains of crap I'd look like the fucking Hound of the Baskervilles. No one would escape my gaze of doom and despair.

"Say 'Kotex' so you don't have to say 'menstruation."

How dare you menstruate, vile woman! Do you know what a pain it is to wash all your bloody underwear every month? If you plugged it up with Kotex, we wouldn't be having this problem at all.

My takeaway is that next time I'm having my period I will say "I am in the wardrobe of my Royal Daintiness." So much more quaint than saying it's Shark Week.

I was 95 percent sure my last boyfriend was real. Unfortunately, I was right.

I'm guessing "someone like this" means "someone this fucking stupid"

I've been feeling very, very depressed today, and somehow, knowing, "hey, you aren't being catfished out of money you don't have!" is a really big consolation. I needed this. I needed this.

"He calls me his flower," Sarah says. "He asks 'has she been watered today?'"

Still a better love story than Twilight.

I'm not offended by her leaving, and I wouldn't do it for the world.

Greeeeeeeat. As if I don't spend enough time on the internet as it is. :p

History nerds unite! This has me so ridiculously excited.

Tiny town, just moved there, and we lived in one of those neighborhoods that sprang up after WWII, but across the street was a beautiful old brick house covered in vines. It made me think of Wuthering Heights. It was a quiet house. Someone would show up weekly to take care of the lawn and gardens, which is how I…

My sister and I used to memorize Mathnet sketches from Square One TV and force them upon relatives and friends who could not possibly have given less of a shit.