“I’ll always be grateful to the Cowboys,” said Hardy at the press conference “They gave me enough money to buy gun racks and display cases to neatly store and show off my arsenal. Before I was just leaving the guns all over the place, piled up on futons..”

This narrowly edges out the standoff with Mountain Dougie, who was coerced to leave his cabin with the promise of..

“We must warn you, Chip, our roster is pretty threadbare”

Pictured: Mitch Kupchak conducting business in his office after the budget cuts necessitated by the bloated end-of-days Kobe contract.

Bonus: Costco-brand instant mashed potatoes doubles as a layer of insulation for your car, coat, or refrigerator box!

(checks defensive statistics) To be fair Piazza wasn’t really a catcher either

To be fair, he only had 500 more runs than Piazza, but Piazza has the two stints in major media markets to none advantage.

Strangely, it was that quote about Cris Carter that ~did~ finally redeem him in my eyes. Glory to God in the highest.

Scotland counters by hiring its very own golf security consultant.

HOLY SHIT A SAMURAI in 21st CENTURY AMERICA!

It’s past time we spelled pastime as one word.

Congrats to NASA’s increased funding this year, unfortunately all of the money is being given to an unmanned cargo ship to Jupiter, carrying all of the goalposts.

(light bulb goes off over Doc’s head) (makes 50 copies of lineup cards with “Joshua Smythe” and “Rance Stevensonn”)

(Korman opens his lobbyist sexual liaison report) (several tumbleweeds fall out, blown about by a dry wind)

PS Piazza fewer hits, HR, RBIs, games, SB (202 to 17), OPS, WAR, runs (500 less) than Bagwell, obviously more shitty defensively— BUT in a position not stocked with mashers and was in both major US coastal media markets.

I wonder if solid journeymen like Mike Grudzawhatever or Randy Winn secretly dread even being put on the ballot for the inevitable futility that results (although Mike Sweeney might have gotten Ken Griffey’s three missing votes)

He got his Twitter turned around by his grandson, who also pointed out the VCR still blinking 12:00 in the living room

The closest thing would be his 1-2 seasons on the network Baltimore predecessor, Homicide: Life on the Street (as Yaphet Kotto’s son)

The only other book I’ve read of his is The Windup Girl, which is a similarly depressing and entirely plausible near-future based on Third World dependence on GMOs

Remember, Tom, if it gets too much, follow your mentor’s lead: have a mild cardiac event, quit, let the new coach deal with the fallout, and resurface a year or two later at an elite program.