I went to Chicago on a field trip in 6th grade. We went to Planet Hollywood, where Phil Hartman did a bit about Gennifer Flowers, got yelled at by my teacher for telling blowjob jokes in front of a room of “pumpkin children”, autographed my shirt, and fucking died two weeks later.

Great article. It is almost like Chicago was a character in this

Katie, if it’s any consolation, New York City will eat this douchebag alive. I mean it, he will clash with hundreds of other douchebags just like him, people from somewhere else who think they are the fucking hippest, and NYC will steamroller a guy like this.

Look at him. Look at his fauxhawk and squinty little Irish eyes. Look at him standing in front of the Bean. How can you not hate him and his tiny dick?

Eric funded his Chicago experience by kicking out his SF roommates before he left town, then staying on the lease, gouging the new subletters, and pocketing the rent difference. Class act.

Who are these people who expect to be loved by their city? It’s often said that New York City doesn’t care about you. Yeah? So if I go to St. Louis the Cardinals come out and give me a high five, while the Arch looks down and says “Looking good, Pink Skull”? No. Cities in general, do not give one rats ass about you.…

The Bay Area itself is great. People from the Bay Area are often great if they’re in the Yay, LA or NY.

“But it’s the midwest! My small trust fund should allow me to buy vast tracts of land!”

Seriously, where was he getting a four dollar Lagunitas in San Francisco? Nowhere, that’s where.

He’s from San Francisco, he’s moving to New York, and Chicago is somehow too expensive for him. Does this fool know how to count?

I found his comments about the geography of the city mainly fair, but man, I can’t believe you didn’t get to the point of his article where the following happens:

Barry: I went up to these ladies in a bar and they didn’t want to talk to me
Barry: I then said I DON’T WANT TO FUCK ANY OF YOU ANYWAY
Barry: Heh, they weren’t…

He was complaining that Chicago is expensive. He’s from San Francisco, for god’s sake. That alone made me realize how full of shit he is.