“They’re putting the tent up to humanely euthanize Ben Roethlisberger, big loss for this Pittsburgh team... you’d think you can just set a broken arm, but as it turns out it’s a lot easier on everyone this way.”

Old men jack the best dongs. Ask anybody.

Once again, a black man discovers the Blues, but it’s white guys who make money off them.

Accusations of racial slurs aside, why are STL fans giving Heyward shit? He’s not a hometown kid, and he was with the team for one season. Why do they think they own him?

Whatever Happened to Johnny Fucking Football?

The biggest irony of all: “he ended his career with a full-court assist”

Worked with Dale Earnhardt.

“My belt holds up my pants. My pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really going on down there? Who is the real hero?”
- Mitch Hedberg

Things could have gone worse for Baxter.

“Fuck. So close.”

I like George Clooney, I like progressive elected officials.

Is it okay to just be “meh” on arugula? I mean, I’ll eat it if it’s served to me, but I don’t seek it out. I am firmly in the middle on the arugula.

Anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough.

Counterpoint: signaling in a Turn Only lane is dumb.

Drew wouldn't say it because he hates it, but the correct answer on what food to always buy brand name is mayo. And that brand should be Dukes.

Cubs are playing the Angels in Anaheim for opening day and will have a DH. The lineup should look something like this: Fowler, Zobrist, Rizzo, Bryant, Schwarber, Heyward, Soler, Montero, Russel.

So now that you have to make contact, does over-the-shirt still count as second base? Asking for a friend.

Did the approximately five seconds of bliss equal the unknown amount of time spent apologizing? (Probably not.)

nothin’ classier than slapping women with yer dick and shipping HGH to your wife, is there

Can we start a GoFundMe page for Deadspin to buy it? It’ll be worth the money to see the look on Goodell’s face when he finds out.