That’s one of the best things I’ve ever heard. I think I want you to write a book with all your dating horror stories. I need to know more.

The fact that she wants that played at her funeral always makes me laugh. If you knew my mom it would be even funnier, it’s not what you would expect from her. I’m thinking playing Spirit in the Sky and Highway to Hell back to back is the way to go. I want to really confuse people.

Spirit in the Sky by Norman Greenbaum. It’s what my mom wants played at her funeral and also an awesome song.

I second this. I’m very upset it’s missing. I’m currently visiting my parents (who live 12 hours away), and the other day I was telling my dad about the celebrity/pet lookalike because it makes me laugh so hard. I knew he’d appreciate the ridiculousness of it. This is inexcusable.

That makes me think of this Mitch Hedberg quote... “My girlfriend works at Hooters... in the kitchen.”

Yes. This. Give him a fucking chance. For the first time as a Cubs fan, I have this feeling, I think they call it hope? It’s something I’m unfamiliar with, and one bad game isn’t enough to kill it. Cubs fans should be way more familiar with sucking than to heckle a kid on his first game in the big leagues. I was…

I honestly wouldn’t know how most of the pasta or any of their other food is because I only ever eat the fettuccine alfredo and it’s delicious. The breadsticks are amazing and I don’t trust anyone who says otherwise. I never eat the salad because that wastes perfectly good pasta and breadstick room in my stomach.…

I want to be friends with Hoda, she seems genuinely wonderful and fun. Kathie Lee is such a bigoted bible thumper. The condescension just oozes from her. There’s nothing I hate more than those “Christians.” I mean, I identify as a Christian which I almost hate to admit because so many people like her give us decent…

I use that expression all the time, it’s really stuck with me. It’s the perfect way to describe a lot of people; it almost seems to be a epidemic. Third grade teacher was a wise lady, it almost makes up for her making me a Cubs fan and subjecting me to a life of suffering. Almost.

She is the fucking worst. I thought that video was bad at the beginning, but the end made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Yes, this. I love Hoda, she's so smart and seems like a good person, but I find Kathie Lee insufferable. She is the worst with all her holier than thou bullshit.

As my third grade teacher used to say, she's suffering from a severe case of "diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain."

I’m glad I’m not alone. I enjoyed the skits on Fallon, but when I heard it was getting turned into a show I thought it was an idiotic idea. I’m surprised/ashamed how much I enjoy the clips. Chrissy Teigen is a model, she’s done a lot of Sports Illustrated swimsuit modeling. I think she’s done other things on TV, but…

First, let me say I don’t have cable so my experience with it is limited to internet videos, but my feelings on this show are so conflicted. I want to hate it in theory, in fact I’ve said many times to my fiancé “I can’t believe they’re making an entire fucking show out of that. What has TV become? *shakes fist*” And…

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Reading your post literally made me misty eyed. I'm glad you got out of your abusive situation, and I bet she was a lot happier knowing that you were safe. Animals are awesome like that.

Mark, we’re in the minority here, but I have a secret love of Olive Garden too. Everyone is always like “it’s not authentic Italian...blah, blah, blah.” I am fully aware it’s not authentic Italian, I’m not an idiot, but that doesn’t mean it’s not delicious in its glorious, fake Italian ways. Give me all the fettuccine…

Good God people like that amaze me. I’m terrified of having kids for that reason. One of my friends was in labor for about 2 days (don’t remember exactly how many hours) and ended up delivering an 11+ lb baby completely naturally. It was her first kid too. I’m like fuck that, give me all the drugs! I don’t want to…

I don’t have kids, but your story reminded me of the time after I got breast implants. It was the most pain I’ve ever experienced (like I said, no kids), and I couldn’t move and was all fucked up on pain meds. At the time, I was living with my brother and he came to sit with me and see how I was doing and apparently I…

Apparently you’re not the only one since this is a thing that exists. (Edited: links hardly show up in the grays, “this” has a link, I realized my post sounded crazy when you couldn’t see it.)

I’m the hot dog too, but I already knew I was pathetic. HA! Take that stupid quiz!