The first one might not be the most creative, but I got a chuckle out of "I will be wearing khakis and a navy blue blazer."

Arizona:

I kind of see your point, but he is really most famous for his home schooling teachings and seminars, so it's an identifier, not a slam. You really cannot talk about Gothard without discussing his home schooling advocacy.

HILARIOUS. If men got pregnant this pill would be available at the corner 7-11 and come with a bonus scratch off card. They'd grind it and put it in shakes at McDonalds. Fuck Arizona.

How would these "unannounced inspections" go? "WHORES! BRING OUT YOUR WHORES!"

"I'm not a whore!"

A diaper and a wee-pad. Apparently Gertie needs to cut back on the cute water-drinking.

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "Yes?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "Yes, child?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh, God!"

God: "WHAT, for fuck's sake?"

alpacalipsnow: "Oh God oh God oh God!"

God: "What, what, what??? I... oh, Me damn it, this again? You know, it would be nice to hear from you once in a while when you're NOT all sweaty…

Yeah, and next thing you know healing, prayers, and baptisms are going to involve a lot of extra touchy-feely. You can't tell me this guy doesn't have a master molestation plan. Start handing out awareness pamphlets with "help" hotline #s at the door now.

OMG the wordplay!

Ha ha! As if unclean menstruating women would be allowed in holy places like church. That's a good one.

How long until the pastor himself is checking each woman personally to see whether they deserve these "grave consequences"?

How do you expect to be immaculately knocked-up?

Yeah I would check for The Lord's Webcams hidden underneath the pews before I sat down, lest Pornhub gets flooded with upskirt videos like "Kenya See Her Cooch?"

Not sure I want God close enough to know I'm not wearing underwear.

Up until this moment I have not tired of the JLaw love. But enough is enough people. She is fucking clumsy, yay. A normal person would not laugh like a hyena on end after falling at the Oscars. She is becoming a caricature of herself.

At first it was cute, now it's eye-roll worthy. I kinda feel like she's doing it on purpose now because everyone likes the fact that she's goofy and awkward and clumsy, so she's trying hard to be that way all the time.

She tripped because she usually goes by chariot for these sorts of things.

I like it too. We can be bad feminists together.

I like 'em. Does that make me a bad feminist?

Now maybe they could get around to making the regular Pill over the counter, like the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends.