Man oh man have I been waiting for this day—the day the pissing contest would be about poop and I could share my horror.

It's late summer in a hot and humid southern state. I've just been cleared to return to sexy times after the birth of our first baby and decide to go get a Brazilian wax, as I was a regular waxer before. Since I hadn't been away from the baby for any real amount of time before this, I wanted to make a nice little…

Some time last year, I was at work while agonizing through an epic bout of constipation. There had been no for about 5 or 6 days at that point. I'd taken a laxative the night before and tried to give poo a chance before heading to the office, but no dice. Sitting at my desk, my stomach started grumbling something…

Every year, there is a rugby tournament in Europe called Six Nations. For an American rugby player this means two things: 1) I finally get to see my beloved sport broadcast live, and 2) I'm setting an alarm to get the bar and see the game earlier than I usually get to work, because of the time difference between the…

It was my 13th birthday and for the "family thing" I wanted to go to the local fair which was happening that weekend. I was really excited about it. My parents, though, decided to invite one of my brother's friends along so he wouldn't get bored, since he was too young to leave at home alone all day.

When I was about eight years old, I got diarrhea. But not just any diarrhea: butt-burning diarrhea, the kind that comes in waves, and right before a long car ride. My whole family (plus one of my sister's friends) had gone to this teenie bopper Disney star concert in Atlantic City. I didn't feel quite right as we were…

Oooh oooh, me me! Had Mexican with a friend then decided to hit up a bar afterwards. I'd been battling some IBS at this point of my life, but no accidents as of yet. Well, as soon as we got to the bar I felt it coming: cramping, sweating, nausea... I went into the crowded, tiny bathroom to let loose, but THERE WAS AN…

Tis I, the funeral directing apprentice, here to say that yes: you do poop when you die. If you're one of the lucky ones that don't void their bowels as soon as death occurs (which is a frequent occurrence, and is why most nursing homes and hospice care centers send their dead out with diapers on), there's a solid…

Man, with a name like Poopface Johnson, you'd think I'd have a good poop story. My best one is a dog poop story.

I've vowed to become a more avid "Jezebeller" (is that a thing? is it a Jezzie?), so here goes... and it happened... THIS WEEK. So your story is timely for my shame.

Not quite a poop story but.......about 20 years ago, my uncle (who had a wonderful sense of humor) was home alone outside in his boxers, shoe-less, cutting back the rose bushes. It had rained earlier in the morning. Anyhow, he is walking thru the pruned bushed, slips and falls down on top of the rose bush. He lands…

My bother was about to get engaged. Let me back up. My older brother and I were going to show up at the waterfall early so we could get into position for our younger brother to hike up with his girl friend. Younger bro was going to propose, I was going to be in the bushes with a telephoto lens taking photos, older…

RT @Ravens The child deeply regrets his role in the incident.

This happened to a friend of mine, and her brother. As kids they did this gross game called "cupper", where they would try to capture their fart smell by cupping their hand over their butt and then quickly shoving the cupped odeur into the other person's face. All while gloriously yelling, "cupper"!

Roger Goodell and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week.

in high school, i worked at an awesome Chinese takeout restaurant. My boss would cook me dinner every night, anything i wanted. Usually i ordered something easy from the menu, but i would get adventurous from time to time and say "I'll have whatever you're having." Sometimes this was a portion of a peking duck or…

This is the tale of the great poonami of 2010.

Not really gross, but rather funny: When my nephew was a about a year old, my sister was changing his diaper and freaked out. There were these things that looked like eggs and were squishy and sort of translucent and a little smaller than the tip of a pinky finger. She was trying to figure out what sort of parasite…

A few years back, some friends were visiting from out of town (as was often the case when you live in Vegas, as I did at the time) and we went to visit a local boutique. We had talked about eating, but I also had to use the facilities and there was a Wienerschnitzel restaurant next door. I went ahead of the group and…

I once had the urge to shit on my drive to an old job. Not so much an urge...more like a sweating, gasping, gurgling, cramping, ass clenching dire need to shit. I was driving through the airport when it hit me and I knew I wouldn't have had time to find a place to park and then run inside to shit at the airport. So…