Sometimes a jokey faux-penis is just a jokey faux-penis

oh no, we had a prank only relationship. We used to hide Nestea in the walk in, and then in the middle of the weeds in a sweltering kitchen, out would come our icy cold refreshment and we'd be dicks and not share. My boss haaaated it. It was the best two dollars I would spend all week.

The Old Bear was in the Navy. I have a horrible time getting him to actually say things when I call him once a week so I think I shall just randomly say "hey Dad, do you like bread?" and then when I get the inevitable case of the giggles he can ask the long standing question the entirety of my family has for me "What…

I was a high school student on a trip to Germany. A member of our party was displeased with the traditional dinner we were served at a restaurant (or more probably was just being a teenager). He fashioned the bratwurst, mashed potatoes and sauerkraut into an extremely lifelike sculpture — sauerkraut looks sort of…

I love food and I love wieners but wow. Those are things I like kept far, far apart.

I've been a very good girl this year. I know it is after black Friday, but is it too late to ask for a Penile Cornucopia for xmas?

not so funny anymore, is it.

Seriously. Don't you feel a breeze or something?

Does anyone ever really end up with their dick hanging out of their shorts without noticing?

Me: Stories about penises? Click on that!

Jesus. I thought I loved carbs.

most of my restaurant penis stories involve sexual harassment, however, one time at the end of the week my coworker was slicing sausage and he kept smiling at me. We just kept working and he just kept smiling. And I finally noticed he had hung a huge sausage from his fly. I still laugh and it's been a decade.

All I have to add is a story about working in a large Mexican restaurant. And every time you'd get some asshole complaining about there being "cheese in the cheese enchiladas," or, cussing a waitress out for 10 minutes because she put too little ice in your soda, or, asking why the fried sopapillas are, in fact,…

My girlfriend in college was working at a chain restaurant and on a slow day was one of two people in the front actually dealing with customers. This guy she described as a huge redneck but otherwise nice tried flirting when she would come by the table and she politely rebuffed him. After he paid for his bill he left…

Once, while cleaning the bathrooms upon closing at Starbucks, we found that a male customer had slit a hole in a bag of whole bean coffee and...pleasured himself. I deserved more than $8.50/hr for that experience.

The bread story reminded me of my own. When I was much younger I was a server in an Italian restaurant. The bread there was insanely popular, it was fresh-made pretty much every day and patrons would come by just to buy bread to take home. Now the owner, who made all the bread, was a heavy smoker. One morning I…

That's what she said.

My pleasure!

Two months. I've been waiting on a third one for WEEKS now. Finally got that bread one this week. It was like a gift from above.

Restaurant stories involving penises are the best kind's of restaurant stories. Thank you.