Are you really Ruprecht? Go eat some applesauce and let the grownups talk. Don’t forget the cork!

He did not forget. That is a scurrilous lie. He had no idea it had happened. How dare you compare him of being absentminded, when the truth is he is a fucking idiot.

#NRALOGIC

It was criminal of Russia to annex Crimea. The only solution is for Russia to annex all of Eastern Europe.

He doesn’t know who Abraham Lincoln is.

Pfft. Don’t waste my time with this. Let’s back to videos of James Harden flopping for fouls.

I know, right? He never even put the ball thingy on the floor.

Video or it never happened.

As you say, and as the article makes clear, Che’s (ahem) humor is just so obvious and easy. Think of the brilliant comedic performers who have graced the SNL news desk. How did he get the job? How does he keep the job?

Nope. Jost is doing fake news and Che is trying out standup material. He doesn’t even make an attempt to go along with the premise of the sketch. I profoundly do not get. It’s like they’re cutting back and forth between two different sketches.

I would expect to see Ross Mechanic in a story about Stormy Daniels.

Overall number one played Virginia played a school called UMBC. YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.

I think you’re being too hard on Simmons. He’s got that “my vocabulary is limited so I put lots of words in quotations” vibe to him, which reminds me of the second-half of a Boston-Houston game in 1987 when Larry Legend erupted for 27 second-half points in a losing effort, which was the best effort in a failed attempt…

He shot a 4-under 65, but it was a weak 65...

This is gonna blow your mind, but my sources confirm that 100 percent of the games in the first two rounds of the NCAA Tournament had a winner.

What makes the hysterical shrieks of innocence so funny is how comically inept they are at covering their tracks. I’ve said it before, they couldn’t be more obvious if they were walking around with cartoon bags of money with ₽ printed on the side.

Like the Dutch did to the US ambassador,.

Mississippi: The Saudi Arabia of the United States.

Cuz JAY-SUS. Fun fact: The Bible says absolutely nothing about abortion. It’s as if these self-professed Christians are terribly familiar with the book by which they claim to lead their lives.

Only two? I’m being serious. His habits, like Weinstein’s, are an (ahem) open secret.

I think it depends on if he’s black. You can walk into a daycare center with a rocket launcher if you’re a TRUE MURCAN PATRIOT.