I’m starting to think that selling my house and emptying all my accounts to invest in Thoughts&Prayers(™) may not have been the wisest financial move....

Republicans are against knowledge because they’re stupid. No reason to reasonable any more. They read about climate change and they don’t understand it, so it must be wrong, right? Even though it’s a simple concept and the evidence is right outside your fucking window. Their reptile brains instinctively fear those…

Killary, EMPRURR OBUMMER, fags, niggers, spics, towelheads and of course George Soros. Every “conversation” with my wingnut acquaintances has some combination of these.

Dang it. Now you’ve done it. I miss my dogs. Sniff.

Preach, brother. I was in high school during the Reagan Years. I remember, even then, as a teenager, saying to my friends, “You know this is all bullshit, right?” I could trace the roots of this phenomenon back even further, but in the minds of most MURCANS, that’s what they think of when they pine for the…

The tax bill also sneaks in a provision which, for the first time in history, codifies the rights of fetuses into federal law. In a TAX bill. One thing I must admit I do like the bill is how totally normal it is for the Senate to vote on a bill that they’ve never seen. I do this all the time.
“I have no idea what kind…

I gave up on the NFL when I woke up one morning and found out my team had literally sneaked out of town in the middle of the night to Indianapolis. Now my Sundays are free, I don’t go to work stewing about a blown interference call, and I can view this shitshow with emotional detachment. I agree, pull the life support…

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m standing right here. Keep those fuckers out of me. I’ve already got a continent-sized pile of garbage to deal with.”
—the Pacific Ocean

The NFL has the business savvy to know that buying your employees’ First Amendment rights is expensive. 

Fucking moron. If you want to “accidentally” kill someone become a cop. It’s the MURCAN WAY. If you don’t know this, go back to whatever brown person country you came from. I’m doing my part by sending Thoughts and Prayers to the deceased.

I know, right? It’s like they thought he was a cop or something!

You trademarked Thoughts and Prayers? Holy shit, you must be RICH! You’ve got all my money already. I’m fresh out of T&P after Irma, Harvey, mass shooting <insert date here>, etc.

Which part of the California legal code are you referring to? You can provide a link or tell me which section and I can find it for myself. I can only assume you mean section 192.

Rick Pitino is suing Louisville after getting canned for running Sodom and Gomorrah on campus. It’s almost as if they feel entitled for some reason.... If I had known the “serial perv” business was so lucrative, I’d have chosen a different career path. Heck, I’d make unwanted sexual advances on my female colleagues…

I didn’t read this. Unless he gets abducted by aliens or cures cancer, I don’t need to hear his name or see his ridiculous face again. Thanks in advance for your attention to this matter.

False equivalency is soooo 2016.

Episode 10?

Does he know we can see him? His clothes look like they were made from his grandmother’s curtains.

In 20 years, people will say, “Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin beat Tom Brady and Bill Belichick in the Super Bowl? Twice?” Heck, I’ve been saying it for years. What a bizarre historical oddity, that the greatest QB of all time lost because an otherwise pedestrian QB threw arguably the two luckiest passes of all time.

I know this is football, but it should really be the Lou Brown Award.