So why not just pretend they’re already good and start trash-talking like you’re a fan of the NBA champions?

Slip it into a Trump speech. When he says it, it will be true to 40 percent of the population.

There is so much going on here, so admittedly this is a minor detail in the nonstop torrent of outrages, but why is Iran being sanctioned with Russia and North Korea? (Kind of a rhetorical question. Iran is the Middle East boogeyman and is the sworn enemy of our BFFs in Israel and Saudi Arabia.)

I’m enjoying imagining the destruction LeBron is going to wreak on the league this year. He knows he can’t beat the Warriors because no one has a chance in hell of dethroning the current roster. He’s made it clear he will play the full season. The GM is gone. Kyrie wants to leave. He had the best statistical year of…

I love Lowe’s puppy-dog enthusiasm for the game so I too was shocked at how pointed he was in his criticism of Irving. I know one of Deadspin’s house rules is “Who cares about defense?” but Irving is an abominable defensive player. I think this matters. Yeah, he can score a ton, but he might find those points more…

When he was nominated, Secretary Yosemite Sam said even HE didn’t understand why he was nominated, but it was obvious from the beginning. He has a personal relationship with Putin and has had more face time with him than any American aside from Henry Kissinger. Exxon also cut a deal with Putin to help drill for oil in…

Women in general are just things to be fondled and fucked to him, so he’s certainly not going to care about women with whom he can do neither. He doesn’t even break out the Tic Tacs when they’re around.

To: My liberal weenie son
From: Dad
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: WHERE WAS OBAMA ON 9/11

Pass it on. SO TRUE!

True story: This week a friend of friend informed me that Clinton, in addition to literally murdering countless people with her own hands, was responsible for the breakup of Yugoslavia. When I pointed out that would be an impressive achievement for the first lady of Arkansas, he countered, “That’s when they start…

Apparently Ted Cruz is in the running? Out of the frying pan, into the eternal hellfire.

Back home, Cletus and Billy Joe Jim Bob III say he makes the tightest nooses, too.

Quoth the sage Ahnuld: If it bleeds, we can kill it.

They’ve been replaced with llamas and a giant wooden badger.

I can only assume that all staff writers are given access to the library at the Citadel. If not, Patrick’s appalling lack of historical knowledge is actually your fault.

That’s how it happened in the book but to my knowledge it has not been mentioned in the show. The books and the show have diverged so, while I think it’s lame, I can understand why they thought they could introduce this as new information. Incredibly lame new information. That thing looks as maneuverable as a bank…

I saw a documentary where an octopus pushes a baby stroller and drives a truck. What was the name.... something something Dory...

I’m ok with that. If I died because I had been devoured on land by an octopus, even my mom would say Awesome!

I predict we are going to see an entire season of Playoff LeBron. I think he is going to play in F-you mode all year. Last season was his best statistically, and yet he wasn’t in the MVP conversation. Then he got to listen to Paul Pierce and other doofuses talk about how Durant is now the best player in the world.…

I must respectfully disagree about the score. I thought it was too intrusive and stylistically clashed with the subject matter. As I was watching I wondered if they had just reused the score from Inception.

The multiple time frames did not work for me at all. For me, it squashed the tension rather than building it up.…

I was hoping he’d run for president. A dead cat would be exponentially better (and smarter!) than what we have.

Two points.
1) No way Trump wrote that tweet. As if repercussions is in his vocabulary!