This is so rude. On the flip side, here's a story of people taking rules way to literally. Many (maybe like 10) years ago, my dad set up a friend of his with a colleague and they fell in love and got married. I was friends with her daughter. Their wedding invitation said "no kids" so my parents didn't take me. I was…

I was a flower girl when I was 2 for my babysitter's daughter. They were terrified I was going to get stage fright and refuse to walk down the aisle. Before we started, someone put a little piece of tape on the altar so I would know where to stand. When the time came, I skipped down the aisle, dutifully found my piece…

The people getting married have the right to decide for themselves, but my personal opinion is that kids are awesome and should be welcome everywhere (except bars, casinos, strip clubs, fight clubs, Chappelle's Show, and other adults only settings.) Especially weddings! Nothing eases the tension of Aunt Babs subtly…

I think a 30 year old getting an allowance from their parents takes them pretty much out of my "sexy" column.

I would like to objectify a lemon cake right now.

Well, changing bloody underwear 36 times over the course of only a few days will do that to you, I guess. It builds character.

The way I think of it is that I'm the same age as his supposed fiancé and I would marry Stephen Fry.

A cat would never consent to being dragged around like that by a human for funsies, he put up with it purely to fuck with that puppy.

"Life motto: look like a skinny bitch but dont act like a skinny bitch"

Pro Era? Chance the Rapper? Joey Bada$$?

Are the all-beef hot dogs made from carcasses?

They really should be expelled. Guys who think drugging and raping people is funny should not have access to the drugs that dentists so commonly use to numb pain or make people unconscious.

I always upvote Simpsons references.

My dog bit my face once when I was in kindergarten. She was a big dog, a breed often accused of being aggressive and violent. She was the sweetest dog ever, though, and I was a shit of child who was trying to force her to "roll over" when she wanted to nap. It was more of a scrape than a deep wound, and left no…

i basically feel like kermit w tea rn

I'm ok with these results.

The "I'm Literally Too Poor to Buy Food" Diet kept me svelt as hell in my early 20s.

I can't wait for Fox News to discuss the book I am writing "How to Get Some Hot Dong, Kinda On the Casual, Because You Don't Wanna Be in A Committed Relationship, But Are SOOOO Over One Night Stands"