I’m not sure how to break this to you.....the Chinese have had nuclear weapons for 54 years

hurt, suspended, or in Cleveland

No one in their right mind bandwaggons Norwich City, which might explain why I did.

Judith Giuliani:

Don’t listen to all these clowns posting Volvo’s, they’re not fast and they drive like Buicks.

Wife: They’re having a 2-for-1 happy hour special at... 

Security experts have confirmed that it only took the offender three attempts to break the account’s password: GUMBOGUMBOGUMBO

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.

Since every cabinet member in this administration has to be worse than the last, I'm calling it now: Trump is going to appoint Oliver North as the next National Security Advisor.

I don’t think they’re going to Vegas in a “down on my luck, nothing left to lose” way. More in a “haven’t been relevant in 30 years so I guess I’ll do a residency at the MGM” way.

And I looked back and saw only one set of footprints in the sand, and I asked God, “Why, when I needed you most, why did you abandon me?” God replied, “No, Antonio, it was then that I carried you. Because you cryogenically froze your fucking feet. This was one month ago! How do you not remember this?”

Awesome read, especially because it reminds me of my adolescence while showing me what a similar routine was for the generation after mine. On the weekends my Dad had me in middle school, he’d pick me up from bowling league (late) and then drop me off at the mall with money for quarters/tokens so he could go back to…

That must mean it was kid-tested?

- ...Aaaand. OH! He tosses Bruce! He just tossed Bruce out of the comments! Let’s look at that again, because I didn’t see what could have caused such a quick trigger byHungry...

Sounds like his sternum needs to be terrified of his clavicle

As one of four (4) remaining dolphins fans, I was very excited when we traded for Rosen. Please pray for me and my family.

What makes this the most hilarious is that the Raiders acquired one of the best receivers in the NFL, a guy who has a legitimate chance at the Hall of Fame, for a third and a fifth round pick and somehow lost the trade.

I can’t wait to see the shots of Antonio Brown standing on the Patriots sideline in tonight’s game against the Steelers.

I gotta come back here for one more thing: