And goddammit, can we please stop rising for “God Bless America” in the seventh? It’s not the national anthem. I’m not getting off my ass twice in one game to fellate the flag again.

This from a man who defended bears in the past.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I get the sense you’re itching to say something that you know to be racist. Don’t.

Meh, it’s good for sandwiches and quesadilla type stuff. It sucks for pancakes, and I would never try to fry an egg or make bacon on it.

Meh, it’s good for sandwiches and quesadilla type stuff. It sucks for pancakes, and I would never try to fry an egg…

I had one. It sucked rocks through a sieve!

I had one. It sucked rocks through a sieve!

“I’ll cup your balls while you give it to my wife, but you’re damn well gonna keep those boxers on.”

Tobias! Is that you? I’d recognize those blue shorts anywhere!

amazing

I mean, I guess? If you’re looking into swinging, or a threesome with another man, presumably you’re actively seeking that part. As to the latter part of your comment, I didn’t mean they’d think it was gay so much as some men have trouble maintaining an erection in a group scene, especially around a man who might be…

2005 wants its hot take back.

You forgot to end it with “#AllLivesMatter”

Hey, Darren Wilson got a new job!

This is all just a terrible misunderstanding. He wants everyone to know that he doesn’t discriminate against any of the parasites currently living on him, whether they be rich or po’

I respectfully disagree. Other than an emphasis on computer and/or language skills that has emerged over the last 2 decades, there is no more mandate for specialization now than there was when I was coming up, and there is no college program that gives you sufficient vocational training for you to hit the ground…

#notallparties

They thought Yordano Ventura was pitching tonight.

It’s impossible, at this point, for A-Rod to have a heartwarming comeback story. Whatever he accomplishes from here on out with be greeted with either skepticism (people are already talking about him being back on the juice) or grudging respect.

At least it made sense. The ball was stuck in the webbing

Here’s another example of that well-devised logic: when a white guy commits mass murder, we talk about his problems. We talk about the tools used to commit those murders, and whether the best way to stop them is to either more closely regulate the tools or deregulate them so more people have those tools so they can…